I had a new thought occur to me yesterday, about why I sometimes fall into binges. Then on BCB this post really hit home. There’s a lot of good thoughts in that thread.
As I explain in that thread, it occurred to me that maybe I binge as a rebellion against trying to control everything in my life. Over the last month, I feel like I have no control over anything and it is seriously disturbing my calm. The renovations put my house into a mess, now work has us transitioning to new systems and I can FIND NOTHING!!!! Seriously, my reputation of knowing all and being able to do everything is in serious jeopardy. Which led me to wonder if my need to have control at all times is what is causing me to subconsciously go off track. My way of telling myself that it’s a little unhealthy to try to control everything and therefore I overeat to prove that I can’t really control myself. <sigh> I’m having a hard time explaining what I mean. The concept is just at the ends of my fingertips and I’m struggling to understand it.
Wow – thanks Donna. That BCB thread could lead to 20 spin-off posts. So much to think about – but the main thing is how so many people are dealing with the same issues.
I keep thinking about how rebellion fits into all this. Maybe it’s partly that we wouldn’t dare rebel in other ways but food abuse is sort of acceptable. I mean – you wouldn’t dare rebel by not doing your job properly even though you might feel like it to make a point to your bosses. Instead, you eat to make that point – or you eat because you can’t do the thing you want to do. Not sure that makes sense. I know what you mean about having an idea at the end of your fingertips.