On Friday, I put on my cords, did up my belt and realised that I’d moved over a hole on the belt and that’s a whole inch. I undid it and tried again just to make sure I hadn’t accidentally pulled too hard – but no, it was really comfortable in that position.
On Saturday morning I stepped on my home scale and the number was exactly what I had hoped for. All good.
Given the belt success, I measured my waist and have lost a “real” half inch – meaning that I didn’t pull the tape too tight or play any silly games just to get to a desired number. Then I got the same result with the hips. So all good again.
Then I popped down to WW. Why do I go to that meeting? Well…..after eating my weight in grief last winter, I wanted a little more face to face encouragement and accountability. I know lots of people there – as in, I got weighed by the woman who had fed me dinner the night before. It’s cosy but in a challenging way. But the cost to me is that I have to step on the scale.
Stepped on said scale and the sum total result for seven days of hard work was half a pound. Half a pound?
Yes, I know what I wrote about Scale Insanity.
If I go to a Weight Watchers meeting, I consider that weight unofficial and for their records only.
I also wrote:
The use of a scale doesn’t define me as a dieter any more than the use of an oven defines me as a chef. It’s what role I give the scale in my life that defines me as a dieter. As long as it’s just a tool to give me information, then I’m sane. When it starts determining my self-worth, that’s a problem!
The reaction I had to a half pound reward for all my hard work means that I had completely slipped into dieting mode. Despite the positive events of the previous two days, I felt genuinely disappointed.
So, while I spout off about lifestyle change, not a diet, blah blah blah, inside my little brain, I am obviously allowing the numbers on the scale to be the ultimate judge of my success. So much more work to do. But I’m willing to plough on – whether or not I actually feel like ploughing.
To quote my original post of July 2008,
So that’s what I’m going to ask of myself:
- Come here for relationship and accountability.
- Apply what I know even though old failing ways are more comfortable.
- Work hard at it even though life isn’t always straight-forward.
I say this with no excitement whatsoever…….grim determination tinged with a little bit of hope.
Still keeping a promise to myself.
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