Discombobulation

Discombobulation is a technical term used by the Talking It Off community to define those times in life when things seem to be irretrievably tied up in knots.

After a few weeks of vague illness (an ulcer, perhaps, says my doc) and an inconclusive ultrasound and a booked mri and a flight across the world and a husband the same distance away from home but in the opposite direction, and a memory-impaired mother who has just realised that her husband is dead and……well, Christmas is coming, you know, and I am still the mother who must make it magic, the result is:  Discombobulation. (with a capital D)

And I ended up in that weird place where I worry that I’m losing weight, not because I have been working harder than ever to drop the pounds but because I’m dying.  The fact that I started having these fatal symptom AFTER the mention of the mri and not before makes my rational self want to slap my discombobulated self but I know if won’t do any good.

So instead, just for today, I decided to eat what I wanted – to wander round the grocery store and pick up anything I fancied and eat it in any quantity I chose.  It was kind of freeing and I found that I DID still have an appetite and that I could eat quite a lot when I really wanted to.  In fact, I ate enough at 2 pm that it’s 8 pm now and I’m still not hungry.

It wasn’t junk either – good bread and good pasta and good cheese.  I also bought all the ingredients for making soup for the weekend.  All good. And I feel a little less discombobulated.

I’m heading to the big city tomorrow so might try Blackberry blogging – or might just immerse myself in Christmas shopping.  We’ll see.