Consuming and Consumed By

Well…..

While I was neatly lining up my ducks in a row for 2010, I failed to recognize the shadow that was creeping up behind me, the great beast made up of all the ingredients that add up to food/body insanity if I don’t take care.  Plus a loaf of very good bread.

So while I’m “la la la la la”ing looking out the front window at the tug boats chuffing by, I fail to notice that I’m really really stressed about -

• getting some stuff on paper for a proposal

I can blog forever, email friends, write letters even, but as soon as it becomes “official” – usually with a form attached – I develop a procrastinate at any price attitude. Bread stuffs down work stress.

• saying good-bye

My mom and I live 5,000 miles apart and every time I say good-bye it’s heart-breaking.  I know that my visits make her days happier.  I also know that one day it’s going to be the last good-bye.  Bread stuffs down sadness and guilt.

• sorting out my social life

At the beginning of my six week visits I am great with making plans.  By the end, I seem to crave solitude.  But I want to see people.  Bread stuffs down mixed emotions.

• stuff to do

By this point, anything that puts an expectation on my time – especially work that I should have done a week ago – seems a disproportioned burden.  Bread stuffs that down too.

If I had a do-over for the past few days, it would have started at the grocery store where I first spied that loaf of wonderful granary bread.  I would have left it on the shelf and bought more soup.  Of course, it’s not the bread itself that is “bad” – it’s the way I consume it and why I consume it that propels me into less and less sane food behaviour.

After avoiding the bread, I would have come here to write about the stuff that was probably going to derail me over the next few days.  I’ve done this SO many times that I do know what’s coming.

Then, having expressed my worries and pressures, I could have dealt with my desire to stuff them all down with bread.  I might even have taken a walk instead.

OK – I must remember to read this in the spring when I’m packing up to go home again.