It’s doppelganger week on facebook and I’ve been reminded of my total lack of visual recall.  Basically, I don’t accurately remember what anything or anyone looks like.  Instead, I remember vaguely and the result is that every time I say, “Doesn’t he look like so-and-so?!”, the answer is, “No, not at all.”

That applies to myself.  Beyond dark brown hair and greenish eyes, I’m not so good at describing myself.

I’m not sure that this face recognition software is any better than my warped memory.  It’s first choice was Jared Padalecki!  Young, sort of pretty in that mannish way – oh dear, this isn’t doing much for my self-image, though I suppose he could be my son. 

I tried three different photos and the only celebs to come up on all three were Lucy Lawless (me, Xena?  I don’t think so)

and the inevitable Liza Minelli.  

On reflection, the program picked up on my small features, jawline, eyes that squint when I smile and the bangs/fringe (depending on your nationality).

Who I really wanted to show up was Isabella Rossellini.  In middle age, of course.  I guess she doesn’t look like me at all – see – told you I didn’t know what I looked like except in a vague way.  She does have dark hair.

And how does this relate to body sanity?

Well, I’m sitting here weighing 23 pounds less than I did two years ago but I don’t see it.  I want to see it. I turn 49 in less than three months and by the time I’m 50 I want to know what I look like.  I want to see the difference between me at 170 and me at 140 – not just in photos but in the mirror – clothed, naked, face, body – every which way.

I can’t fix the visual memory problem – that’s part of me.  But I do want to sort out the body image thing.

Edit!

I found a photo from two Christmases ago and stitched it together with one from this Christmas.

OK – I see the difference. How come I don’t see it in the mirror?  And how come I don’t see the changes as I gain weight?

I truly hope to one day have the answers to those questions.