My long awaited specialist appointment can be summed up in the following conversation:
Me: Can you explain the ultrasound results? My gp said they were unusual.
Doc – with many many years of training: No. We can explain the usual but not the unusual. That’s why it’s unusual.
Ok, thanks. He was actually a good, non-patronising human being but he also wasn’t going to tell me there was nothing to worry about. Instead, and I quote again, he said, “There is both worry and no worry”, which I’m pretty sure translates to, “It could be something; it could be nothing”.
SO. ……my big challenge is to live as though it is nothing, even though that not-so-little-voice is BOOMING in my ear that it bloody well could be fatal. You see my challenge.
So now I’ve said it, I’m going to write as though everything is fine and I will keep doing that until I know something to the contrary. That’s called “Faking It” and it’s not one of my born talents. I prefer blabbing out the truth of the matter even if it’s not warranted in that situation. But this time I’m going to hold it in – or at least express it sparingly and in the right arena.
In the process, I’ve got to get over the feeling that I’m an idiot to concentrate on losing weight if I’ve actually got something seriously wrong. I actually had a conversation with myself at the gym yesterday and came to the conclusion that I should lose weight and get fit ESPECIALLY if I’ve got some physical thing to fight.
Well, another “duh” moment on this journey.
Tomorrow – WW weight loss cards: the story of my life.