So here are some old Weight Watchers cards that represent sixteen weeks of my life when I was thirty-one years old. In North America, WW is legally obliged to attached the words “Results not typical” to their success stories. If WW ever wanted to do a spread of “Failure Stories”, they’d be very welcome to these little documents that have somehow survived three house moves including one to a different continent.

So what did I notice first? The incredible 8 lb loss in the first two weeks. As a WW veteran, I had obviously worn heavy clothes and eaten a big breakfast before my first weigh-in just to make sure that there were some results that first week. Incredible.

The next thing I notice is the goal weight range for my height: 139 – 118. Eighteen years later the range is 150 – 120. I know this has to do with the advent of BMI but, at 150lbs I’m definitely overweight.

And then, at only 9 weeks in, I give up the ghost at 148.5lbs. (10 stone 8.5lbs) I think that’s where I get more comfortable in my own skin. It’s probably where my “small clothes” start fitting. So I quit in September and look what happens next after October, November, December……

I’m guessing the clothes were getting tight and I was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin again. I’d ditched the diet and certainly didn’t believe that I needed to follow the WW guidelines in order to keep the weight off. So I’m up 7 lbs (that significant half a stone, I now know) and clearly not too enthusiastic about doing it all again as I lose 4, skip a week and gain 1 back.

I get my act together for a bit, then after a gain, quit again despite my optimistic goal of 134lbs. (9 stone 8lbs)

Now here’s a public confession. To the best of my knowledge – which may be a bit dodgy – I did that in 1979, 1980 and 1981. I then lost a pile of weight with one of those 500 calorie a day diets supervised at a clinic. I kept the weight off till I had kids then I think I did it again in 1991, 1992, 1993 – moved to England and did it in 1995, 1998, 2000, 2001 and 2003.

This may mean that I’m not quite sane – but it’s an insanity that I share with millions of women over the entire world. You see, WW works – that’s why I kept going back – but it only works as long as I do.

So, what finally changed? After thirty years I stopped looking for a quick fix and I stopped looking outward – to a program or a book or a diet – to give me the solution to a lifetime of being overweight. Instead I started looking inward and using the other stuff as tools to help me on my way.

The other day an old friend who I hadn’t seen for ages remarked on how slim I was looking. “What have you been doing?” And for the first time, my answer was not, “Oh you know, the same old Weight Watchers – I’m sure I’ll do it again next year.” (Yes, I really used to say that.) Instead, my answer was, “I’m blogging – writing it all down and getting to grips with why I eat in the first place.” It was the first time I realised that this is my main weight loss tool. I like that.