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The answer.  I thought I had an answer to the question of “feeling fat” but it turns out I only had some disjointed thoughts that didn’t sound all that sensible once written down but I may try later.

Instead I’ll bore on about stress management.

Yesterday went quite well as far as stress relief and food went.

  • I walked and sorted out a few little niggling things.
  • I bought enough food for two days – food that I can look forward to and that requires some preparation.
  • I talked to the absent husband.
  • I let myself get hungry then enjoyed feeding my body rather than my feelings.
  • I did have a glass of wine but it was to go with dinner rather than to “relax”.
  • I made some decisions.
  • I snipped off a couple of dead branches in the garden.

Oh I hate reports of the “What I Did” variety – so here’s the incomplete thought about “feeling fat”.  I can’t trust what I see in the mirror, how my clothes fit, what the measuring tape says, the number on the scale.  When I’m determined to “feel fat”, the only thing I can do is ask myself which direction my behaviour with food is leading me.

Am I heading toward my goal of health and sanity or am I heading away from it?

Rather than putting any faith at all in “feelings” about these things, I am only going to assess how I’m acting.

  • Am I more sane or less sane than I was yesterday?
  • Am I more full or less full than I was yesterday?
  • Have I moved more or less than I did yesterday?

And there can only be one of two responses:  I can keep doing what I’m doing because it’s positive or I can change what I’m doing because it’s negative.

I don’t get to beat myself up or wallow in temporary satisfaction.  I  bang on about hating when other people attach being “good” and “bad” to talking about eating but I realise that I do it in my head all the time.

Little steps on a long journey.

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