It’s happened. I can see the light of day. I knew that I was doing the right things despite how dark and gloomy I felt, and this is my reward. I’ve also recovered from the usual sinus infection after almost two weeks. Now I can turn my energies to taking better care of my body, exercising, eating right, and all those things that just don’t seem important when I’m in the slump of depression, and feeling like crap. Luckily, my meals are generally healthy, low in bad stuff, and high in good stuff. So I’m ahead of the game there. It’s the snacking, the extra stuff, that sends me off track. That’s the thing to deal with first. I don’t do well if I set a lot of strict rules for myself, but I think “no sweets” is one that needs to be called up right now. Aside from that, I enjoy air popped popcorn, fruit, a Balance Bar mid-morning at work, fresh veggies with hummus. It doesn’t sound like deprivation, does it? No. It sounds like good, tasty, healthy food. And that’s just what I need. And I have plenty of it in the house, so no sense delaying any longer–my depression detour was delay enough. Now, let’s get on with it, already!
Sorry for the hiatus – I had a day and night away and then a day of feeling very sorry for myself with a cold and, finally, a half day swallowing a small but not quite small enough camera.
So, given all of that, how has my week been for weight loss?
Internal motivation: I’m looking at the right goal -no longer worried about getting below 140lbs but not being able to stay there. I think that finding that 139 used to be considered the highest healthy weight for my height has spurred me on to get there.
External things: Well – it’s been a challenge. The cold has meant I haven’t been running. The trip away meant less control over what and when I could eat. The hospital appointment raised my worry levels a little.
Given the above, how hard did I work to make things happen?:
Hmmm. Trying to be objective. I wasn’t obsessive – which I can be when I really really want to be perfect. I just didn’t have the drive to find perfection. However, despite the stuffed up head, I did walk miles in London thanks to a lovely spring day. I didn’t journal after the weekend despite an excellent start. Again, I think I let the worry of the week get to me and then the “freedom” of not journalling just took hold. The best thing about this week is that I didn’t once overeat. I just ate to satisfy hunger and it was all healthy food so I have no reason to beat myself up.
In fact, I’m happy. That’s good to know and good to write. I took care of myself and didn’t fall into any stressy food behaviour. For that, I will pat myself on the back. Did I lose weight? My daily weight says I’m down from last week and almost down to where I was before Christmas. It sure takes a long time to get a few pounds off these days.
And did I have a good week? It was a mixed week on all levels but my over-riding memory is wandering down Regent Street in the sunshine and hearing a brass band. Lovely.
And now I have to clean this house or we might die of cat hair inhalation.
OK. I need the whole world to stop associating Good and Bad with eating. Really. Just like I managed to banish “fall off the wagon“, I want to stop saying things like, “I had a good week” to mean that I ate in a way that would lead to weight loss. And especially to ban “I had a bad week” to mean that I ate in a way that wouldn’t lead to weight loss. People say they had a “bad week” when, actually, they ate in a way that left their weight exactly as it was the week before. What’s so BAD about that?
Much much worse are the phrases, “I was bad” and “I was good”. I actually bite my tongue when I hear them. But this is (at least partly) my blog and I can be rude, right? If you kill a kitten, you are bad. If you eat 10 Mars Bars, you are a person with disordered eating. If you kill the kitten because you ate 10 Mars Bars, you are sick.
OK – so what am I going to say instead of “had a good week”? This week,when asked, I tried, “I worked hard and it paid off”. Not bad… It’s what I meant, but there’s more.
Sometimes you work hard and it doesn’t pay off.
Or sometimes it’s all quite easy and you lose weight.
So I figure I need three measures:
- How easy it is from the inside. In other words, did I have the motivation to eat well and move? Or was it struggle from the moment I woke up to keep my hands out of the crackers?
- How easy was it from the outside? Did my schedule accommodate going for walks and calm, planned meals at home or did I actually have a social life?
It’s that last situation that makes me struggle with the good/bad thing. It’s GOOD to eat out with friends. It’s GOOD to celebrate around a meal. But all that goodness makes losing weight harder – at least for that week.
- Given the above, how hard did I work to lose weight?
If I was going to make this a graph, I’d have two axes- the lines, not the chopping things. One would chart the hard/easy side of life – an average of the first two questions above. The second would chart my own effort – from working hard to slacking off completely.
But how do I boil all that down into a one sentence answer?
- Q: Did you have a good week?
- A: Yes thanks; it was hard to eat well on nights out and to find time to exercise but I worked hard and it paid off.
- Q: Did you have a good week?
- A: It was kind of boring but that made it easier to lose weight.
- Q: Did you have a good week?
- It was dreadful – my car/guinea pig/favourite shoes died. I had no motivation at all to eat well or exercise and I gave into my emotions.
- Q: Did you have a good week?
- A: I had a fantastic week. I had two dinners out and a short break in Paris. I couldn’t get my head around eating well and had no time to exercise so I didn’t lose weight – but it really was an amazing week.
- Q: Did you have a good week?
- A: Not really – it was boring. I should have worked harder to take advantage of all the time I had but I just couldn’t find the will to work hard so I didn’t lose any weight.
OK. Sorry for the excessive Qing and Aing but I needed to know for sure that, even though people are always going to use Good and Bad to talk about a diet – I can deflect and use other language. At first it will be just language but, as with all things in this search for food/body sanity, it will eventually become how I think and how I act.
I just cannot have weight management define the quality of my life!
So here’s to a good couple of days in London. I may not always be in control of where and when I eat, but I’m feeling motivated to make good choices and walk miles.
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