Grumpy! But at least it gave me a chance to practice the 139 visualisation about 100 times. It was just one of those days where I normally would have eaten my annoyance with the world just because I couldn’t name the problem and fix it.
I still managed to eat reasonably, stay within calories and take a short walk. (I may still be a little grumpy.)
Emotional Essentials:
A long time ago I wrote about being ready to leave the “fat club” and I was and am still in that mindset. I no longer worry that I won’t have a place in the (almost) Universal Sisterhood. I’m happy about that because I think the fear of not belonging held me back for a long time.
However, I’m discovering during this last 10 pounds thing that I still have a weird worry. I don’t want to be succeeding when others are struggling. Bizarrely, I have no problem with struggling while others are succeeding. In fact, I usually find it encouraging.
Ha – I just searched this blog and came up with this post from February. I obviously identified the issue but didn’t work it through in real life. I guess that’s the story of my weight loss journey! It take so long to work these things through and out of my life.
So why do I still need people to know what a struggle this is? And it IS a struggle. But, if I lose weight and keep it off, I am fully aware that people will think I’m “lucky” and that irks me beyond belief.
AH…..insight! I am an affirmation junky and if people think I’m just “lucky” with my weight loss, then the results somehow mean less to me.
It reminds of a Hallowe’en many many years ago when my kids were 4 and 2. There was a serious pumpkin shortage – as in NONE at all in the grocery stores so I took the kids downtown and we went into some businesses which had piles of pumpkins in their window displays. My charming son (and I mean Charming with a capital C) did the talking and eventually wangled us a beauty.
In one shop, after we’d all said thank you to the manager who had refused our request, someone said to me, “You’re so lucky to have such polite children!” And I wanted to punch her. LUCKY????? YOU THINK I’M LUCKY? (I thought, quietly to myself.) My children’s manners had and have nothing to do with luck and everything to do with the relentless hard work of their parents.
Hmmm (the sound of more thinking) – I guess this blog is my way of proving to the world that this process is a struggle and that I will have earned every benefit of a smaller, fitter body.
If anyone thinks I’m lucky, I’ll just point them over here.
Hmmm…..(thinking). That IS a weird worry. What’s the ‘don’t want to be succeeding while others are struggling’ thing about? I hear you! It could be argued that I am currently ‘succeeding’, and yet when others comment I feel a need to downplay it somewhat….rather than just agree! It’s bizarre! Kind of like the mentality that we must be seen to achieve ONLY through real struggle and effort and triumph over adversity. If you lose weight and keep it off people will know that it’s been a journey – not necessarily a struggle or a matter of luck, but a process…and a process in which you’re now forging ahead and making progress – because your habits and way of being with regard to food and exercise will surely speak volumes. I would hope?!