The only reason yesterday wasn’t a disaster was that I had exactly the right food in the house and knew what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The evening was notable for the disastrous football rather than disastrous eating so that’s something. I did have an extra glass of wine for medicinal purposes.
It seems that I’ve lost 1.8lbs this week. That’s just a fact – not a reason to do a dance. But it’s the right direction and it reflects my behaviour this week.
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Little stars mean the start of an unrelated thought. I wish I had little stars for talking – sometimes the conversational shifts are a little sudden.
One of my favourite things about Nutracheck is that, for a tiny monthly fee, I have permanent storage of my weight loss history for the past 2.5 years. Sadly, in an effort to create a “clean slate” I wiped out Jan-July 08 – but I know that I lost about 15lbs then put 10 back on. That gain was the turning point that prompted me to start writing about the process.
Once in a while it’s worth looking at the big picture.
Interruption: Why oh why do I feel guilty for not having to suffer as much as other people? Or rather, why do I feel I have to apologise for not letting myself become obese? I should be very proud of myself for stopping and turning and never going back to that high weight even during the most stressful 2 years of my life. Right. That’s official. I am genuinely proud of myself for not allowing my weight to get even more out of control than it was.
Interruption over.
The thing I learn most from the chart below is that I have a very very poor memory when it comes to my weight loss journey. I thought I was going to see that I’ve been below my current weight many times in the past 12 months. In fact, I’ve been bouncing around the same 5lbs since the end of November – not even seven months.
Is it too painfully obvious to point out that the gains happen during the breaks from journalling and, except for one Christmas/surgery episode, those breaks are when I’m in Canada? Apparently, I did something right last summer and didn’t gain anything during a 6 week break. I guess I’d better figure out what it was and do it again.
I truly thought I was stuck in a never-ending battle to lose the last 10 pounds. Turns out I’m not “stuck”; I just need to pay attention and be committed to maintaining when I take a break from trying to lose weight.
I use the word “just” as though it’s going to be easy. I’d better rephrase….It turns out I’m not stuck; I’m prone to getting lazy when I’m not in losing mode. So I will continue with the “hard work” even when I weigh exactly what I want to weigh.
And I will stop apologising to imaginary people for doing what I need to do to get what I want.
(And that makes me feel awkward just writing it.)
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