Where I’m At: Head & Heart

Head: I know that I need to eat enough to fuel my body and I know a lot about that particular subject. I know that there is an optimal number of calories for my age, my sex, my level of activity and my height. I even have a pretty good idea what that number is. I know how much I have to cut back in order to lose a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time.

Heart: I know that, in real life, I don’t do well when put under pressure to perform and dieting is exactly that. It’s self-imposed pressure but still pressure. As soon as I set a deadline for losing x amount of weight, I can feel myself going into reverse. It’s as though I can see exactly what I want on the horizon and then start walking backwards, sad and frustrated that I’m not doing what I want to do yet again.

Anyone with a long history of food-body insanity will know that feeling.

And yet – my body should be 8 – 10 pounds lighter. I would be healthier at that weight. My knees would prefer me to be that weight during a run. My clothes would certainly appreciate the smaller version of me.

It seems so little to lose; yet it is territory that I have not explored for many years. I have headed in that general direction but never settled to see if I like it there. My stubborn self that refuses to respond to pressure is the same stubborn self that refuses to give up on a promise I once made to myself.

And so?

And so…I’m playing mindgames of a new variety. I have gone back to my online journal – good old Nutracheck – and set it at maintaining a weight somewhere around where I want to be. I’ve also double checked that information with the Body Weight Simulator. What that means is that I’ve set up a great big ringfence which will prevent from actually gaining weight in this process. I’ve got lots of calories to play with and a small commitment to exercise – the kind I can keep up anywhere at anytime and will likely exceed.

The idea is to eat like a woman who weighs a healthy and sustainable weight for an active 52 year old. (my next birthday) I have no idea how long it will take to get there but I like the idea of experimenting with real, slow weight loss.

So here goes.