Talking It Off

I read an article recently on CNN that talked about how binge eating can be overcome by self-help techniques. The article discussed how a group of people used techniques in a book called Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Christopher G. Fairburn to help lose the weight they wanted and stop their bad eating habits.

So I figured, what the heck?  I bought it on Amazon and am now working my way through the book.  I’ll keep you all posted, but one segment caught my eye in the meantime.  It was a quote by a participant at the beginning of a section called “Why Change?”.

As I grow into middle age I realize with great sadness how much energy I have directed toward controlling my weight and eating and the misery of the regular and consequent binges. I could be doing something productive with my energy–building relationships, reading, writing. I don’t know what I might do, but I don’t want my epitaph to be “Jane wished she was thin.”  It was this, in the end, that made me decide to change.

Sad but true–I think we’ve all been there…

For the last few weeks, I’ve been testing myself with various trigger foods. Last week, I brought a jar of peanut butter into the house, and have been eating it in very small quantities (usually with a whole wheat English muffin in the morning).

After that, I scored some great dark chocolate (individually wrapped pieces) and allow myself one each evening. Sometimes I even open a bottle of wine, and drink 8 oz. worth after dinner. Strangely enough, the wine has been the hardest to withstand – it’s very tempting to go back for seconds.

Tonight I stopped at Trader Joe’s and bought a chunk of (gasp) real cheese – some Spanish sheep’s milk manchego, which is to die for (imo). For some reason, these little “tests” seem to be reinforcing my confidence in myself. In fact, I had a brainwave today – I was walking back to my car from the dentist’s office, and suddenly thought “This is it.This food plan working.” Yeah, it’s a somewhat vague epiphany, but for the first time in a very long time, I felt confident that my progress was going to continue. I’m not sure why I had this revelation in a parking lot, but I’ll take it wherever it comes.

My biggest fear is that no matter how much I “practice” eating and trying to conquer food, it will all come crashing down at a moment’s notice. I’m a little nervous about Katie and John’s upcoming visit, because I know I have a tendency to blow out when visiting or entertaining.

BUT on the other hand, maybe if I start indulging myself now, I’ll be content to continue the indulgences on the same small scale while they’re here, instead of going from famine to feast like I usually do. Hmmmm….something to think about.

I’m reading a new book called 59 Seconds:  Think a Little, Change a Lot – and it has really caused me to evaluate little things.  Like gratitude.  The books suggests writing down a few things once a week that we’re grateful for.

So I did.  I wrote that I was thankful for my overall good health.  My job and economic stability.  My family and friends.  My garden.  My love for travel and reading.  As I wrote, I realized that these are all things I take for granted every day.

You may wonder why I’m bringing this up on a weight-loss forum.  But it occurred to me (as it has before) that eating right is more than just losing weight.  It’s a lifestyle, sure, but it also involves being at peace with yourself. If you are stressed or worried or unhappy, it makes it that much harder to “take it off.”

Thinking about the good things in our lives is one way to bring peace to our lives.  Just a few quick minutes a day is all it takes, and it’s amazing how good it can make you feel.

Tomorrow morning is my anniversary of eating healthy for one long seven day continuous stretch (well, let’s not count Saturday night’s Christmas party where I pigged out on wine, pub cheese and salami rollups). Other than that, it was continuous – I journaled, I ate when I was hungry (only!) and found substitute activities to replace eating.

But even so, I still have this feeling that the end result is so far away that it’s not worth working for. It’s hard to be satisfied with a single step when you know you’re going to be walking for miles and miles.

So when (and how) do you become satisfied with the process? Or do you ever? Is it always one goal down the road? Since I’ve never actually gotten to that goal, I’m damned if I know. I guess I just keep plodding along and hope that something will stick.

During the week, things are easy – I can keep busy enough at work so that I don’t really think about food. But weekends – arrgghhh…. Right now, I’m watching a movie and cutting out fabric to make baby clothes, but all I think of is how hungry I am. And of course, I’m really not. Luckily, I don’t have much in the house to snack on, but I just really have this urge to eat. What’s up with that?

Maybe I just need to LEAVE the house – or jump on the treadmill. I guess if the current activity is moving me towards overeating, I need to change the activity, right? Of course, right!

That things are going well? I’m (gasp) journaling again, and gradually increasing the exercise. Millie (as always), you provide abundant motivation and support for me (along with you other BCBrs), and I thank you so much for keeping me in the game.

Anyway, I’m doing the Millie thing of weighing myself every day with the idea that I will use it logically, and not emotionally. So far it’s working (of course, that’s easy to say when it’s heading down – the trick will be when the numbers aren’t where I want them to be).

Millie, I’ve been thinking about your “Obsession” topic, and it seems to me that it parallels what we’ve talked about before. We are all intelligent, successful women who have succeeded in our personal and professional lives, but have failed periodically at controlling our weight. Perhaps obsession is the key – after all, when we work, we apply ourselves wholeheartedly, don’t we? Maybe we need to apply that same wholeheartedness – nay, obsession – to our body…

Anyway, breakfast awaits (and a quick game of Spider Solitaire).