Keeping Going » Talking It Off

Weight Fluctuations & World News

Feb 012011

In all honesty, as I watch the unfolding of events in Egypt, these “last 10 pounds” are just not that big a deal. I’ll keep working on it but I’m fully aware that my struggles to shift a little weight are nothing.

I needed to get that out there.

In the not-at-all-important world of Me, my weight is bouncing up and down the same 2 pounds almost regardless of what or how much I eat. Frustrating? Yes. Unexpected? YES. Once I start working hard at this, the weight usually falls off slowly but steadily.

OK – that’s out there too.

It’s one of those weeks with loads to do and little inclination to do it. I think my commitment needs to be to just plough through and make a dent in my obligations.

So here’s the plan for the next 4 days:

Keep moving – 5 miles today and 3 miles on Thursday – plus just moving in general.

Make my To Do list shorter.

Make my environment saner.

Put energy into reducing the weight of my little world that is currently sitting on my shoulders.

And take some time to visualise what I hope to get out of this Last 10 Pounds exercise – not to mention my job and my life in general.

Sausages

Food, Keeping Going No Responses »

Jan 242011

They are lovely skinny little chipolatas – the third one down in this photo of sausage loveliness.

Three of them cost 7 propoints. Four cost 9 and five cost 11.

Guess how many I ate?

It’s That Most Medical Time of the Year

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Dec 052010

Well I’m three for three on Decembers being marred by the medical community. Of course, I’m hugely grateful they exist to screw up every Advent season but I’m tired of having my Christmas plans tinged with anxiety.

This year? I’ve had yet another liver scan and now an appointment with the liver surgeon. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll be having half my liver removed, yet.

I know it doesn’t really mean anything other than I’m bloody lucky to live near a world class liver unit.

It might even mean that the guessing and shoulder shrugging and puzzled looks about what’s growing on my liver will come to an end.

In the meantime, I would like to eat a loaf of bread a day and drink myself to sleep at night. (I don’t do that – but that’s the kind of stress it is.) I’m certainly not feeling like counting points and getting hungry (for ProPoints leaves me VERY hungry indeed) so I’m not losing any weight.

Which, as mentioned before, is a wonderful thing according to all gastroenterologists, for whom weight loss is a sure sign of malignancy. So my head is a mess and probably will be till Thursday when I go through the stress of finding a new clinic, meeting a new doc and, hopefully, hearing new news.

Until then, I will move when the pavements thaw and I will try to stick to eating small portions of good food and drinking no more than 2 units of alcohol per night. Here we go again………..

Being the Person I Want to Be

Keeping Going, Last Ten Pounds 1 Response »

Oct 082010

I’m on a new “whole woman” kick with a handful of things to accomplish before I’m 50.

Read the bible through from cover to cover like a book. I’m almost through Numbers with the help of YouVersion as my home page and on my Blackberry. I’m using the 90 Day Plan but have adjusted the dates to give me till the end of April and it’s been an amazing experience so far.
Sort out the emotional eating – the one thing that trips me up again and again and again.
Grow out my dyed hair to its natural colour. It’s an adventure and I’m excited and terrified in equal measures.
Change my eating plan.

I’d better say a little more about that. I’ve realised that when I say I like “slow weight loss”, what I’m really saying is that I’m happy with the rhythm of losing some weight quickly then maintaining that loss for a while before finding the energy to do it all again.

When I did try “slow weight loss” with the Maintenance Diet, I got almost instantly frustrated by the lack of results. But I’m still very attracted to the idea of just eating for the size I want to be six months from now. That means settling for a pound and a bit per month, not per day or week. I want to be the person who can do that.

What would have to change for me to be that person?

I’d have to conquer the stress/boredom/any other emotional eating. Really.

I’d have to see my life as a whole – moving every day and really delighting in eating smaller portions.

I’d have to really really really knock the dieting tendency out of my life.

I figure that I haven’t lost anything lately partly because I’m just bored. I want to weigh ten pounds less than I do right now. My body is willing but my psyche just can’t be bothered to get all caught up in the thrills and spills of the “losing phase”.

So maybe I’m past it. Or maybe I need to ride out this phase and wait till I’m ready to go into losing mode again.

That’s possible – but, as 50 approaches, I’d rather be who I want to be for the rest of my life.

I want to be a person who doesn’t have to feel full all day – a person who eats to satisfy hunger, enjoy company, delight in tastes and textures. I want to be a vibrant person who doesn’t crave more calories than a body needs to stay slim and healthy.

I’m done rehearsing. I know all I need to know about myself and food. The challenge is to relax and trust myself and my body. And to keep moving.

So is this actually a plan? Does it have a form?

I’m going to put into practice, to the best of my ability, all the expertise I have in the area of cooking and eating good healthy food. The “controlling” factor won’t be a food journal but a desire to live well. That’s the bit that could go terribly wrong – but it will free up my time and energy for the next element.

I’m going to distract myself with things I want to do – writing, reading, doing things.

Keep moving on a daily basis – especially incorporate some weight training into my week. I’ve stopped running because I dread that “need” for the endorphins. But I miss them too. This all ties in with my dread of enthusiasm.

Three points is enough. I’ll stop by periodically but I’m going to do what I can to genuinely embrace Slow Weight Loss.

Unexpected Inspiration

Health, Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process 2 Responses »

Oct 042010

Just when the motivation is waning to the point of invisibility, we step over the threshold of our friends’ home and are greeted with a vision of two svelte men who, at our last meeting, were both on the chubby side. They look great!

The husband and I were both, 1) jealous and 2) inspired to do something about our own chubby situations.

When I got home, I was doing a little wandering through the internet and came across some research on waist circumference and mortality. It’s summarised in this CBC web article.

The words that grabbed me by the throat were:

Oddly, the strongest link — 25 per cent — was in women with normal BMI. People with bigger waists had a higher risk of death from causes including respiratory illnesses, heart disease and cancer.

I have fussed and fumed in previous posts about where exactly this measurement should be taken but this research seems to have encouraged a definitive answer. This is the best description I’ve found yet – from that same CBC report.

Waist circumference is measured at a point halfway between the hip bone and lowest rib — about five centimetres above the belly button.

Many people think the hip bone they feel toward the front of the body is the top of their hips but it’s not. By following this spot upward and back toward the sides of your body you should be able to find the true top of the hip bones.

Wrap the tape measure around you in a circle, making sure it is level all the way around. The tape shouldn’t push in or indent the skin. Relax, take two normal breaths, exhale, and then take the measurement. It’s best to take the measurement on bare skin. If you wear clothes, measure it the same way each time.

A waist circumference of more than 102 centimetres (40 inches) for men and more than 88 centimetres (35 inches) for women is associated with increased risk of Type 2 diabetes, coronary artery disease and hypertension.

A healthy waistline is 94 centimetres (37 inches) for most men and 80 centimetres (31.5 inches) for women. Health Canada recommends measuring waist circumferences for adults with a BMI between 18.5 and 34.9 to prevent and manage obesity.

So – at a “healthy” BMI of 24.6, I still have a 35.5 inch abdomen – 4 inches larger than ideal. I’m not sure I’d be able to get that low but I’d settle for half way there – say around 33 inches.

The main point is that vanity size 8 Gap jeans with their Lycra forgiveability may still fit beautifully but I have blubber inside my body that is wrapping itself around my organs and increasing my risk of an early death.

Guess it’s not yet time to give up the fight.

Autumn Thoughts

Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process No Responses »

Sep 302010

Here’s a quote which seems to sum up a lot of things that I’m thinking about these days. Thanks Jan.

Without ambition one starts nothing.

Without work one finishes nothing.

The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.

The person who knows how will always have a job.

The person who also knows why will always be their boss.

As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few.

The person who grasps principles can successfully select their own methods.

The person who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson (edited for inclusive language)

Ambition – I’ve got it in my head but not in my belly – so to speak. I will agree with anyone who suggests that I seem to want to lose 10 pounds but I don’t act as though that’s true.

Work – That’s the point. I’m not working for a variety of reasons (excuses) that all sound perfectly logical to me. But my head keeps reminding me that it’s work that will get me where I want to be.

Prize - I know which prize I’m working towards in this one area of my life. It’s not the most important prize to be working towards. It’s not even in my top three. That’s funny considering how much time and work I have devoted to winning it.

What do I know? I know how to lose weight. I know about the balance of calories in and calories out. I know about nutrition and fitness. I know about body shape and societal pressures.

What do I know about WHY? I know that I’ve been eating to relieve stress since I was tiny. This is my number one battle and I’m losing right now.

Principles – See what I know.

Method – This is what I need to figure out for this part of my journey. I’m not starting out full of enthusiasm. I’m not ever again going to be surprised by the process of weight loss. I’m actually just dreading the disruption to my thoughts and the taking up of my time.

So – I need a method that doesn’t fill my life with “DIET”. Thinking thinking thinking. I’ll get back to you.

Happy New Year

Keeping Going 1 Response »

Sep 152010

In the September sense, obviously. And I’m a little late because I got off a plane last night and am only back at my desk today. Not that I couldn’t have blogged my way through the summer, but it was time for some time off and I feel all the better for it.

I need to lose my usual 5 pounds which will (I predict) come off as follows:

easy 2lbs
then .5 to 1 lb per week for what seems an eternity.

I’ll be sure to check this and verify.

More predictions for the immediate future?

We (the husband and I) are going to try out a modified Mediterranean approach to eating for the next few weeks.
I’ll be back to run/walking under a 12 minute mile in the next couple of weeks. Started with a 4 mile walk today.
I’m going to limit non-productive internet time of the social networking variety and make my brain work hard for a while.

That’s enough expectation, I think.

I’m thrilled that I have enough of a “new way of living” thing going on that I didn’t do too much damage over the summer. I can still wear all my autumn clothes so there’s no horrible beating-self-up urgency to lose a lot of weight.

Am I still looking to get under that 140 pound mark? I’m not sure. I’ve so enjoyed not being stressed about losing weight. We’ll see. For now, I’m happy to be me and I’m appreciating a fresh start.

Fantasy/Reality

Keeping Going 2 Responses »

Aug 262010

I wonder when I will stop holding onto every chronic dieter’s fantasy:

I work hard. I lose the weight. I then go on to live a “normal” eating life and never have to think about it again.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

I have once again put on my “West Coast 4″ due to over socialising. (Good!)

And under exercising. (Bad!)

I want to rage against the unfairness of it all when the sensible voice in my head says something like, “You do know that’s how the human body works, right?”

Sigh and sigh again. Of course I know. But I still want to arrive at my holiday destination weighing 145lbs, eat drink and be lazy for three weeks and continue to weigh 145lbs.

So I guess I’d better start incorporating “No, thank you” and “Where are my running shoes?” into my daily conversations.

Onward………

The “Maintenance Diet”

Keeping Going, Maintenance 2 Responses »

Aug 022010

Lying awake last night, in an effort to stop thinking about packing, I started thinking about this whole weight loss journey.

For ages now I’ve been thinking that I’m ready to experience maintenance, finally – for the first time ever – actually paying attention to keeping my weight stable. But I’m not yet at the weight I want to maintain.

SO…..and this is where I’m feeling a little bit clever, what if I focus on maintaining the weight I want to be?

What if I just eat and move as though I’m lighter than I actually am? Wouldn’t I eventually just weigh that much?

I’ve taken 2 years to get to where I am anyway and that slow process has been the best thing possible for changing my thinking about the “all or nothing” pendulum of weight loss and weight gain. However, it’s only slowed it and I want to stop the pendulum completely! I want to just eat the way I’m going to have to eat for the rest of my life, understanding that I will need less as I get older and that I will have to stay committed to moving.

There’s no getting away from the fact that, to lose weight right now, I have to put myself into “diet” mode and I need a break from that. A big fat permanent break.

Of course, I’m only saying all this because I’m not particularly unhappy with how I’m looking these days. For my optimum health and vanity I should weigh less, but, in the big scheme of an increasingly obese society, I don’t look very fat. I also own clothes that I like and want to wear again in the autumn and winter. In truth, I’ll be very happy to take a whole year to lose the last bit of weight. But I’m not sure it’s going to take that long.

Here are the numbers:

A sedentary 50 year old woman who is maintaining a weight of 135 pounds should eat about 70 calories per day less than a moderatley active 49 year old woman who weighs 145 pounds.

When I factor in my minimal weekly activity, I figure I’ve got a deficit of around 230 calories per day.

Of course, I will lose that 70 calories from the age and weight difference as I get older and lighter, so I’ll have to move that much more every day. I’m hoping that walking about extra mile will do the trick.

If 10 pounds equals 35,000 calories, it will take me around 22 weeks to actually end up weighing 135 pounds. That’s basically how many weeks there are left this year. And I’m not that fussed about the 135 number – it was just nice and tidy to think in terms of 10 pounds. I’m also not that fussed about the 5 months. I turn 50 at the end of April so wouldn’t that be a nice gift to give myself?

So – a recap of this experiment. For the next few months I’m going to eat as though I’m an inactive 135 pound 50 year old. But I’m going to live as though I’m a moderately active 49 year old. By the time I’m actually 50, I will know what it takes to stay slim and healthy.

That’s the plan.

At least until someone points out the fatal flaw in my apparently flawless thinking……….

Coming Back from a Binge – Last 10lbs

Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process 2 Responses »

Jul 212010

One weekend of binge-headedness can really set a person back. I feel like I’m standing a block away from a sign that says “What I Want” in big letters but I can’t quite make out the smaller print. In my head, it says that I want to have a smaller and fitter body but it’s all a bit blurry.

So what happened to 139, you ask?

Indeed.

So much of my disordered eating happens when my external voice is saying one thing but my internal voice is saying something else altogether.

EX V: I want to weight 139lbs

IN V: I’m not sure I want the pressure of keeping the weight off.

EX V: I’m going to work hard for 6 weeks and not worry about where I end up. My behaviour will get me where I want to be.

IN V: There’s a DEADLINE! You’ve got the family bbq on the 8th and the birthday dinner on the 9th and then off to see all those people and you want to be THIN.

EX V: I want to be in great shape even if there’s tough news about my liver.

IN V: If you’re going to lose half your liver, you might as well party now.

And finally,

EX V: I can do this one good choice at a time.

IN V: FEED ME (bread, butter, pasta and wine).

So there it is: the two voices of Millie – and one is more persuasive than the other this week.

On a positive note, I shredded 5 years worth of documents yesterday and filed or got rid of anything that wasn’t going to be pertinent to the next few months. I want to come back from my summer hiatus and have a calm and orderly office that actually has room for my body as well as my paperwork. I have drawer space!

And, I ate less yesterday than on Tuesday and less on Tuesday than on Monday. So it’s getting better and I’m getting better and I’m going to start listening to my internal voice rather than just shutting it up with food.

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Talking It Off

Weight Fluctuations & World News

Sausages

It’s That Most Medical Time of the Year

Being the Person I Want to Be

Unexpected Inspiration

Autumn Thoughts

Happy New Year

Fantasy/Reality

The “Maintenance Diet”

Coming Back from a Binge – Last 10lbs

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