Autumn Thoughts

 Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Sep 302010
 
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Here’s a quote which seems to sum up a lot of things that I’m thinking about these days. Thanks Jan.

Without ambition one starts nothing.

Without work one finishes nothing.

The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.

The person who knows how will always have a job.

The person who also knows why will always be their boss.

As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few.

The person who grasps principles can successfully select their own methods.

The person who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson (edited for inclusive language)

  • Ambition – I’ve got it in my head but not in my belly – so to speak.  I will agree with anyone who suggests that I seem to want to lose 10 pounds but I don’t act as though that’s true.
  • Work – That’s the point.  I’m not working for a variety of reasons (excuses) that all sound perfectly logical to me.  But my head keeps reminding me that it’s work that will get me where I want to be.
  • Prize -  I know which prize I’m working towards in this one area of my life.  It’s not the most important prize to be working towards.  It’s not even in my top three.  That’s funny considering how much time and work I have devoted to winning it.
  • What do I know?  I know how to lose weight. I know about the balance of calories in and calories out.  I know about nutrition and fitness.  I know about body shape and societal pressures.
  • What do I know about WHY?  I know that I’ve been eating to relieve stress since I was tiny.  This is my number one battle and I’m losing right now.
  • Principles – See what I know.
  • Method – This is what I need to figure out for this part of my journey.  I’m not starting out full of enthusiasm.  I’m not ever again going to be surprised by the process of weight loss.  I’m actually just dreading the disruption to my thoughts and the taking up of my time.
  • So – I need a method that doesn’t fill my life with “DIET”.  Thinking thinking thinking.  I’ll get back to you.
 Posted by Millie at 1:36 am  Tagged with:

I Take it All Back

 Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Sep 232010
 
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and might take all this back tomorrow.

I am officially giving myself permission to be a bit unbalanced, a little emotional and completely mixed up about what to do about this food/body/health stuff.

I’m fed up with feeling like I’m always starting again.  I KNOW I’m not really.  I’m a thousand miles ahead of where I was 2 years ago and a million miles ahead of where I was when I first walked into a Weight Watchers meeting 30 years ago.

But I’m also fed up with even the thought of weighing and measuring and journalling and thinking about what I may or may not eat all the time.

On the other hand (and I have permission to not be sure about any of this!) – On the other hand, I know that stopping thinking about these things  -as Mardee wrote about yesterday – so very very often leads me right back to FAT or, at least, FAT habits.

So I’m feeling that all the options are crap.

And I’m hating more than ever that I can’t see what I actually look like.

My belts all do up to exactly the same place they did in July, but I know I’m fatter because, well, just because.

See?  Not sane but that’s part of the spewing right now.

I suspect that, when I’m exercising like I was in early summer, I just feel better about everything.  Right now, while I’m working like a maniac trying to catch up with everything I put on hold for 6 weeks, I don’t feel healthy, I relieve stress with wine rather than a run and I wan to eat simple carbs – just because they momentarily solve something.

So all that stuff that seems so far away when I’m “doing well” is actually just below the suface waiting to engulf me.

Does writing this make me feel any better?  Not really.

I now just have that voice in my head repeating incessantly,

“So just go for a run.  Just eat fruit.”

Just Just Just Just, I know.

“And just be thankful that you have all these choices.”

I KNOW.

But I don’t want to run or eat fruit.  I DO want to be thankful.  I also want to get my business on an even keel.  I want to read.  I want to go home again and not live this stupid unrealistic two-homes-two-countries life. I don’t want any more scans or doctors scratching their chins wondering where to go next. I want my kids to be settled my husband to be blessed beyond all reason and my cats to not wake up at 6am.

Did I mention being fed up?

Did I mention that I really am grateful?

OK – deep breath.  Go back to chasing up invoices.

 Posted by Millie at 4:14 am

Back to the real world…(but should I have left?)

 Exercise, Food, Starting Again Again, Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Sep 222010
 
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The entire time I was traveling, I ate with what could be called reckless abandon.  No calorie counting, no thinking “gee, is there way too much sugar in this for me?”, no thinking about “diet” at all.  I figured that I would be walking so much that I would burn it off.

And it’s true.  I did walk a lot and did burn most of it off.  But here’s what I forgot to factor in – the habit.  Once you throw away good eating habits for bad – even if it’s for only a 2 week period – you have to relearn the good habits, and it takes a lot of time and energy. Because of that, I’m stressed, eating too much, and struggling to get back in gear, thinking “Did I really have to have dessert at every meal?”

My point is that I need to start rethinking “vacation mode.”  For years, it was an excuse to eat with impunity. I’ve controlled it somewhat and now will try to temper my eating, and increase my exercise to a certain point.  But what I really need is to just continue to eat like I have been, albeit with somewhat different foods.  It is harder – I’m usually eating a lot in restaurants and don’t have access to a kitchen – but it’s no excuse.  Every place I go has had open-air markets where fresh fruits and vegetables abound.  I could easily buy something there and have a picnic, rather than go to a restaurant.

Or if I do go to a restaurant, I don’t have to order the speciality with meat, potatoes, dumplings and bread.  I could just get a salad and some lean meat.  Instead of sampling the nation’s cuisine at every meal, I could do it just once or twice a week.

In fact, when I came back, I was telling my neighbor about the trip and the food.  DeeDee is originally from Germany, and I mentioned how much meat and bread I ate while I was there.  She laughed and said, “Well, Germans don’t eat like that every day!”.  Duh.  Of course they don’t – they also eat salads and fresh vegetables.  In fact, DeeDee (who is rail thin), only has bread on special occasions.

Food for thought.

 Posted by Mardee at 3:17 am  Tagged with:

Slow Summer

 Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Aug 192010
 
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I never intended there to be such a lull in writing but summer life has enveloped me.  I like that summer lull and appreciate the down-time.  Just wish I didn’t gain weight while lulling my days away but that seems to be the inevitable side effect.

The challenge of my life is that I tend to come away for 6 weeks of summer – far too long for a normal holiday – so I have to decide where to draw the line and declare the holiday over.

The scales are suggesting that NOW would be a good time but my social calendar is thinking maybe in a week.  Calendar wins but I will do my best to not gain any more weight.

It’s funny – but a couple of pounds gained through happy socialising don’t bother me nearly as much as a couple of pounds gained through lonely simple carb stuffing. Of course a couple plus a couple equals a few and THAT stresses me out.

But for now I’m going to enjoy the view, keep sorting out this funny old people’s house, take a walk once in a while, and love and respect my body when it comes to eating. On that note – I may be a salmon the next time anyone sees me as the husband came home with 40lbs of the stuff.  At least I’ll have plenty of omega 3 coursing through my body.

 Posted by Millie at 9:38 am  Tagged with: ,

Oh Oh

 Food, Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Aug 082010
 
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Day 3 of the holiday is starting and I’ve fallen into a vat of simple carbs. And not in a good way.

So what’s the plan?

I hate having to plan.
But, even more, I hate the thought of putting on 5 pounds because I can’t be bothered to plan.

So today I’m going to think before I eat. I’m going to recognise hunger and stay away from the simple carbs that seem to fuel this city.

Lunch is a family bbq where there will almost no healthy food, the kind which, helpfully, I don’t find appetising. Not that that always stops me eating, but I will focus on how unappealing and unhealthy it all is.

Dinner is undecided but will certainly be at a restaurant. The challenge will be finding a salad which really is healthy. Or maybe some tomato based pasta.

I don’t need anything else. Breakfast is over and done. If we go for coffee, I’ll choose the smallest size. If the weather clears, we’ll do some walking.

I’ll check in tomorrow.

 Posted by Millie at 8:48 am  Tagged with:

Nutritional Wisdom

 Thoughts on the Process  1 Response »
Aug 082010
 
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Girl Guide cookies are not suitable meal replacements.

 Posted by Millie at 8:47 am

Holidays!

 Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Aug 062010
 
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So far the plan (or “plan”) I concocted from the other side of the Atlantic seems to have gone the way of missing luggage.  I’m sure it’ll turn up eventually.

But today I’m off away from my home from home for a whole week and I’ve decided not to take the laptop.  I can blog on my Blackberry if I feel so inclined but I’m guessing I won’t.

So – see you in a week or so.

 Posted by Millie at 8:51 am

Making the Leap

 Thoughts on the Process  3 Responses »
Aug 052010
 
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I don’t get something. All the so called experts on weight loss seem to agree that before you can be successful taking off and keeping off the pounds, you have to understand the reasons why you are eating. Not only what started you down the wrong road but what is happening right now that makes you run for the fridge. So how is it that I have figured out the origins of my eating issues and I also recognize what the current problems are that are triggering my ongoing battle, yet I’m not successful in losing weight? (oh boy, was that ever a sentence full of mangled grammar) I know what my stressors are, I know how I should be dealing with them, I know that eating won’t fix them, I know, I know, I know,,,, BUT knowing doesn’t seem to translate to success. All the insight in the world doesn’t seem to translate to success. How does one make the leap from knowing to doing?

 Posted by Donna at 12:47 pm  Tagged with: ,

So now what?

 Giving up, Starting Again Again, Things to try, Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Aug 022010
 
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Starting over. Again. For the bazillionth time. I guess that if you put an optimistic spin on it, I never give up! I have never lost hope that I’d get to my goal weight and maintain it for the rest of my life. To put an optimistic spin on that, the older I am when I finally get to my goal weight, the less time I will have to maintain it… Ok, that really doesn’t work, does it? No.

For my first step, I made a journal in Microsoft OneNote. I love that software. It’s like one of those 5 subject notebooks, but with a Turbo setting. Picture an open notebook, with tabs across the top for the sections, as many as you want. In each section are pages, as many and as long as you want, and when you title a page, the title hangs off the right side of the page on a tab, so you can find it quickly. These pages are not pre-formatted like Word is. You can plop something right in the middle of the page if you wish. You can put anything in this notebook:

  • Copy and paste interesting things from the web
  • Create a chart in Excel, and copy/paste it, and you can add to it on the OneNote page
  • Add audio and video files
  • Add pics and graphics

This is my favorite Microsoft program (and no, they did NOT pay me to say that!). I have one set up with sections labeled “Journal,” “Food,” “Exercise” and “Motivation.” The exercise page is a chart from excel with columns to fill in. Motivation contains separate pages to categorize what kind of files are in there: Ralph Marston, ditties I find on the web, my own personal thoughts, anything I think might have value when I need a boost. And best of all, I got a Windows phone for my birthday last month, loaded with Word, Excel, Power Point, and OneNote. When I make notes on my mobile phone, they automatically sync with my MS Office stuff. So if I hear something interesting or motivational, I can add it. If I change my food plan for the day, I can update it. And when I sync the phone with the computer, it’s all there waiting to be organized into its proper section in my notebook.

If you are thinking that I am a geek, you are 100% correct. I am, and I am proud of it! Maybe that’s why I bought a motorcycle–to balance out the geeky half of me. I don’t think it worked though. I’m really the geekiest biker EVER. But I want to be a slim, healthy, biker-geek, and that is what I am working on. Eating right, working out, taking care of myself, dealing with the overload of stress heaped on me by my employer, doing all the things I need to do. I’m on the right path. I have the knowledge of 10,000 diet books, etc. I just need to make it all work for me.

I see that my eating is not all that bad right now, without really monitoring what I’m eating. This is a good place to be starting over. I’m going to journal what I eat without counting points or calories. I’m just going to do what comes naturally, and try to work enough exercise in there to knock off some weight. That’s my starting point, and I’ll re-evaluate at the end of the week to make course corrections. I’ve always started out with a bang, joining WW or buying into some book or plan, buying new toys. Maybe I don’t need to buy or do anything new, maybe I don’t need to focus on all the “stuff” that’s supposed to “help” me do this. Maybe I have everything I need to make my dream come true. (Could it be that easy? Hmmm…)

 Posted by Gracie at 7:01 pm

No News is No News

 Health, Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Jul 302010
 
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I’m in my usual countdown panic as I try to tie up things in the UK and think ahead to what I’m going to need for the next 6 weeks in Canada.

And I’m still reflecting on this past week of “stepping back”.

All in all it’s been a good thing.  I’ve been chilled out about food and have lost the weight I gained due to stupid eating.  I’ve done a bit of running and a bit of walking and have enjoyed not writing it all down.

In my “counting unhatched chickens” way, I was thinking that I would have a relaxed week, get a final diagnosis from the senior consultant and then get on with life in whatever direction it was going to go.

But instead, as is normal in these “pre-hatched chicken counting” situations, I didn’t get any news at all from the appointment. Instead,and I quote the consultant, “we are back at square one”, which means that I know nothing more than I knew 6 months ago. I feel knocked back and maybe not quite as reslilant as I thought I was feeling.

But one good thing came out of a not very good appointment.  Firstly, I decided to take the husband into the room just so he could witness what I’ve been up against.  The senior doc was NOT pleased that I was seeing him rather than the other guy but – and this is the new thing for me – I just didn’t care. I think maybe I’m getting to the point where I’m not feeling awkward about being a pain.

Anyway, after telling me that there was no news, he leaned back in his chair and said, “Would you like me to refer you to the specialist liver unit for a second opinion even if it is a bit early for that?”

Old me might have given the decision back to him, asked him if I should wait until his team had had another chance.   New me just said, “Yes, I would.”

New me was also still too polite to ask how I could possibly get a second opinion when I hadn’t had a first one yet. But never mind.  I figure, God willing, I can be rude when I’m an old lady.

The slightly humourous thing about hospital appointments is that, when you step on the scales, everyone is hoping that you haven’t lost any weight. The nurse who weighs you smiles and commends you for not being much lighter than you were 3 months ago, and the doctor comments on how well you’re not losing.  I didn’t dare tell them how bloody hard I’d been working to lose it.  And I was truly glad to know that I could sit there and not worry that the pounds were falling off for the worst possible reason.

Funny old world.

 Posted by Millie at 4:27 am  Tagged with: ,
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