8Dec09 Making adjustments to make progress
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I unintentionally started an attitude adjustment thread on BCB, and thought I’d share it here too. I’m struggling with having to adjust my budget to include an 80 mile round trip commute daily, that doesn’t fit into my current budget. I’m also struggling with all the previous issues: food, spending, lack of exercise. And when I toss in the enforced commute and the extra expense and time (estimate: $150-200 a month, 90 minutes to 2 hours a day), I get a seriously bad attitude about the whole thing. I’m struggling with this attitude, because I can’t change what’s happened, and I’m not willing to give up a job I like, even though it’s becoming a problem for me financially. So here’s my BCB post, edited to make sense in a different forum: 

Gotta spend some time with the budget (or lack thereof) to see how to fit everything in. The more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to cut the cable TV, and maybe look around for cheaper internet as well. We’ll see. It’s hard to think of not having all the stuff I’m used to watching, but that’s what it’s come down to.  I guess I’ll just have to learn how to be a grown up.  Can’t help but be pissed off that other people can make decisions that make me have to think about things like this.

Unfortunately, every time I start thinking about the whole situation, I get all riled up. That’s not good, and I’m not sure how to change direction. I try to adjust my attitude, but it always comes back around to “WTF???” And that affects all my other behaviors–shopping, eating, and the eternal desire to plop on my couch and spend the winter there without moving. Better knock that off!!!

Ok, attitude adjustment exercise:

  • I have 2 GREAT daughters, 24 & 27, and I’m proud to say I’m their mom.
  • I have a family I love, even in the face of all our dysfunction.
  • My family will celebrate the holidays with all the joy and cheer that makes it a very special time for all.
  • I have a good relationship with my ex, which is good for my daughters.
  • I have a job. Many people don’t.
  • I LIKE my job, at least most of the time.
  • I have off from said job from Christmas to New Years Day. 
  • I have the physical ability to exercise.
  • I have the mental ability to make better choices.
  • I have the brains to make all this work FOR me.
  • I have motivation to be strong, healthy, and fiscally fit, so that when spring gets here, I can fire up my Harley, modify it any way I want, and ride like the wind. (A slow wind, of course…)
  • I have awesome friends and a great support system! Shout out to all my BCB buddies, and Millie, Donna & Mardee at the blog! (IPB too, you know who you are!)
  • I am strong enough, and smart enough, and tough enough, to do this and to do it well. I can get my eating, my spending, my level of physical activity, and my attitude, all under control and headed in the right direction.

Ok, now that I’ve given myself a pep talk, I can start my day with a smile on my face, and the desire to change my circumstances.

2 Comments Posted by Gracie in Starting Again Again, Things to try
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7Dec09 One week
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Tomorrow morning is my anniversary of eating healthy for one long seven day continuous stretch (well, let’s not count Saturday night’s Christmas party where I pigged out on wine, pub cheese and salami rollups). Other than that, it was continuous – I journaled, I ate when I was hungry (only!) and found substitute activities to replace eating.

But even so, I still have this feeling that the end result is so far away that it’s not worth working for. It’s hard to be satisfied with a single step when you know you’re going to be walking for miles and miles.

So when (and how) do you become satisfied with the process? Or do you ever? Is it always one goal down the road? Since I’ve never actually gotten to that goal, I’m damned if I know. I guess I just keep plodding along and hope that something will stick.

3 Comments Posted by Mardee in Thoughts on the Process
7Dec09 New Look
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I loved the look of the other theme but it was lacking a couple of features that make writing more of a pleasure – specifically an edit button. This one also has a nifty thing for finding previous posts at the bottom of the page.

So welcome to the new-look site!

3 Comments Posted by Millie in Talking It Off Info
6Dec09 Site Stuff
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I’m going to play with some new themes today so don’t be alarmed if things change around a bit then go back to normal.

No Comments Posted by Millie in Thoughts on the Process
6Dec09 Consequences of Over Eating
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Below are my weights the past few mornings.

Since I had freaked myself out about needing an mri, I decided that I needed to know for sure that I wasn’t losing weight because I was ill but because I was eating less and moving more. I needed to prove that I did have an appetite and was not going to end up wasting away like my mother. So I ate. Maybe you can tell from the stats on which day I ate the most.

Wednesday-144.2
Thursday-145.6-after a day of pretty heavy eating. interesting.
Friday-145.6
Saturday-148 Really? In 24 hours? Interesting……
Sunday-144.4 After one normal healthy day – see why daily weighing works for me?

Mardee commented on my post about eating anything I wanted that she couldn’t do that “with impunity”. After looking up “with impunity” :-) – without having to deal with the consequences – I have to agree with her. There are always going to be consequences for me when I decide to just go out and EAT – mindfully or mindlessly- and I did some of both.

Consequence 1: Weight

There is no doubt that unfettered eating means my weight goes up. But it doesn’t mean that I actually gained almost 4 pounds of fat in a couple of days. However, if I’d gone to WW on Saturday and had my one weekly weigh-in, I might have believed that I had actually gained all that weight. That’s why daily weighing works for me. It keeps me sane in a way that the weekly weigh-in cannot.

Consequence 2: Head Damage (can’t think what else to call it)

A couple of days of unfettered eating leads to a mindset that’s hard to reign in. In other words, once I’ve opened that loaf of bread, it’s hard to imagine preparing a pile of roast vegetables, lean meat and basmati rice. Once I’ve spread the butter on the bread, I know that nothing green, red or orange is bound to pass my lips for the rest of the day.

Consequence 3:  Long Term Damage

This is something that has changed over this year.  When I started eating in grief last January, I didn’t stop for well over a month by which time the weight gain and head damage were real.  In previous years, it’s taken several months or more.  Even this time, I was hoping to stop after a day but it took four.   I know now how easy it is to fall back into a lazy carb-dominated diet.

Weird? Pathetic? Undisciplined? Why yes, thank you – all of the above. But that’s why I’m here and talking about this stuff.

No Comments Posted by Millie in Thoughts on the Process
5Dec09 Weekends
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During the week, things are easy – I can keep busy enough at work so that I don’t really think about food. But weekends – arrgghhh…. Right now, I’m watching a movie and cutting out fabric to make baby clothes, but all I think of is how hungry I am. And of course, I’m really not. Luckily, I don’t have much in the house to snack on, but I just really have this urge to eat. What’s up with that?

Maybe I just need to LEAVE the house – or jump on the treadmill. I guess if the current activity is moving me towards overeating, I need to change the activity, right? Of course, right!

No Comments Posted by Mardee in Thoughts on the Process
5Dec09 Getting a Grip – Laziness 2
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Once I fall into the Ditch of Little Effort I find it hard to get back to my more energetic life. The ditch is comfy and warm and…..well, fat-producing.

So I think I need a plan starting right now.

Porridge for breakfast – with yoghourt and blueberries – cooked on the stove and not the microwave.

Soup for lunch – there’s a butternut squash, onion and 2 potatoes in the cupboard under the sink just waiting for that destiny.

Dinner….turkey chilli I think – a batch should last a couple of days. Black beans, peppers and onions are already in the cupboard.

And some fruit. I’ll buy some oranges. Oranges are not good fruit for the lazy. Anyone living in the Ditch of Little Effort will not want to be bothered with the peeling palaver.

And I will walk today – as I’m not going to the city or waiting for the oven repairman, I’m going to walk along the seawall and maybe get a cup of tea at the local cafe.

So that’s a plan.
I can also:

  • go in search of Christmas decorations in the basement
  • clear out all the old baking supplies in my mom’s cupboards and replace with new
  • start the gingerbread house – but not buy the candy until ready to glue them on to the house
  • sort books and take them to the thrift shop
  • send the hundreds of begging letters back to their senders with a little note that the man they’re asking for money has been dead almost a year

I wish I could be more philosophical this morning and say wise things about losing weight and keeping it off, but, when I’m mired in laziness, the only way forward is a plan.  And it has to be in writing or it will dissipate in a sea of vague notions about what I ought to be doing.

Till tomorrow.  M.

No Comments Posted by Millie in Thoughts on the Process
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4Dec09 Results of the Eat Anything Experiment
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So for two days I ate what I wanted and, most tellingly, what required no preparation on my part.

EUREKA!   I think I’ve just discovered something!

I’m not so sure that I get into the habit of eating carbs because they have some powerful effect on my physical self.  I think I eat them because they are easy.  When I give myself permission to eat whatever and however I want, I choose lazy eating.  Bread is lazy.  Bread and butter is lazy.  Bread and butter for two meals a day is really really lazy.

Bread and butter with a couple of really nasty leftover chocolate thingies is beyond the pale of lazy.

According to my on-line journal, I have gone from eating twice the required amount of fruit and veg to virtually nothing.  I didn’t even eat the fruit garnish on my lunch plate at a restaurant yesterday.

So today it’s back to cooking porridge and making soup and preparing vegetables.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

2 Comments Posted by Millie in Food, Thoughts on the Process
3Dec09 Dare I say it?
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That things are going well? I’m (gasp) journaling again, and gradually increasing the exercise. Millie (as always), you provide abundant motivation and support for me (along with you other BCBrs), and I thank you so much for keeping me in the game.

Anyway, I’m doing the Millie thing of weighing myself every day with the idea that I will use it logically, and not emotionally. So far it’s working (of course, that’s easy to say when it’s heading down – the trick will be when the numbers aren’t where I want them to be).

Millie, I’ve been thinking about your “Obsession” topic, and it seems to me that it parallels what we’ve talked about before. We are all intelligent, successful women who have succeeded in our personal and professional lives, but have failed periodically at controlling our weight. Perhaps obsession is the key – after all, when we work, we apply ourselves wholeheartedly, don’t we? Maybe we need to apply that same wholeheartedness – nay, obsession – to our body…

Anyway, breakfast awaits (and a quick game of Spider Solitaire).

1 Comment Posted by Mardee in Thoughts on the Process
3Dec09 Mindful vs Mindless
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I’ve been following another blog that has some excellent insights.  It’s located here http://lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/
I’m not sure why but her discussion on mindful eating vs mindless eating reminded me of your (Millie’s) wandering through the grocery store eating this and that. 

I’m in a strange place these days.  I’m teetering between regaining and losing control.  I feel like I’m playing chicken with the scale.  Can I eat this and not show a gain?  What about this?  Oops, gained a bit this week, better back off.  It’s definitely not healthy and I’m trying to put a stop to it.  It makes me realize how very fast mindful eating can become mindless eating if you’re already in a state of denial.

1 Comment Posted by Donna in Thoughts on the Process
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