Day 1 or Just Keeping On?

 Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process  1 Response »
Jan 222010
 
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In life in general I love the idea of new beginnings, blank slates, amnesties, jubilee years – grace and forgiveness .

When I decide to give myself one of those in my food/body struggles, it’s hard not to think of it as a whole new beginning.  Over on BCB I’ve re-invented myself a few times, changing my board name and starting from scratch.

But this time I’m going to prize the accumulated wisdom of this past year.  I’m going to view the next phase as just that: one leg of a long journey.

I’ve made a new daily weight page to see how long it takes to get from where I am now to where I want to go.  I’m not guessing how long that’s going to be – I’m just going to set out and accept that I’ll get there when I get there.  I’ll keep track of my behaviour and my weight and notice the connections.  In fact, I think I might go a bit Bridget Jonesish and put my weight and other pertinent information at the top of each post.  Maybe not.

My first priority is to fight my natural inclination and to plan meals ahead for a couple of days.

Oh this is boring.  I feel so incredibly uninspired. And yet.  And yet there is a solid core of WILL inside me that won’t rest until I have kept that promise to myself.  I will give myself a chance to be slim and fit for a whole year.  I will do it.

I may not feel like going through the process of getting there.  I may not feel like going through the process of staying there.  But I will do it with no rush of enthusiasm because I know how important it is that I do it.

Self-talk.  What blogging is really all about.

Apologies to anyone else reading this today.

But if you want to join me on this leg please step in and keep me company on this enthusiasm-free, wisdom and (hopefully) humour filled process.  I’ll make you a weight page of your very own if you are craving a little public accountability.

 Posted by Millie at 1:29 am  Tagged with: , ,

Looking for Motivation

 Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process  2 Responses »
Jan 212010
 
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I’m feeling a bit depressed which is not the same as being a bit depressed.  I’m just feeling low and needing motivation and energy.  I’m getting through my days like a very slow pinball wandering from task to task doing a little at each place but lacking the focus to get down to anything for very long. So I’m giving into it and declaring it Pinball Day today.

One of the things I’ve been doing is reading through all the posts on here and I found this:

It’s not too often in life that we get to WANT something and simply go get it because it doesn’t involve negotiating with loved-ones, market conditions or budgets. This requires negotiating with my self, my history, my emotions and anxieties and so the Talking It Off continues.

I need to re-state that for today:

  • It’s not often in life that we get to WANT something and simply Go GET IT.
  • This thing we want doesn’t require negotiating with loved ones.
  • It doesn’t require money.
  • It does require negotiating with my self,
    • my history
    • my emotions
    • my anxieties
    • my everyday life
  • So I’m going to keep on coming here to do just that.  Talking It Off.

So what do I want?
What are those things that I can go out and get just by negotiating with my self?

OK. Name them.  In no specific order:

~I want to step in the scale one morning in the next couple of months and weigh under 140 pounds.

~I want to stay around that weight for a whole year despite the ups and downs of my bizarre transcontinental life.

~I want to rejoice and be thankful no matter where I’m living.

~I want to improve my fitness.

~I want to live life lightly.

It’s a start.

 Posted by Millie at 4:12 am  Tagged with:

Now what?

 Thoughts on the Process  1 Response »
Jan 202010
 
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This year, even the traditional first day of the new year diet didn’t work for me. I skated right past that milestone without so much as a pound lost since then. That is a bad sign…

 Posted by Gracie at 5:17 am

Excuses Excuses Excuses

 Keeping Going  No Responses »
Jan 202010
 
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Yesterday, on BCB I wrote:

I got jumped in a dark alley by hormones.

I’ll be back when I can think straight.

Millie

And Donna gave me a brilliant response:

…your post raised some questions that I’ve had before but never had a chance to ask. How can a person (meaning me) tell the difference between wanting to eat because of hormones, wanting to eat because of stress and just plain looking for an excuse to eat. Or does it really matter? Does one deal with all 3 issues in the same way, or would there be a different way to deal with hormonal cravings than there is for inner brat cravings?

So, yesterday, did I succumb to hormones, stress, or my greedy-piggy self?  May I also add that I was coming down with my first virus for a year and now have a nasty head cold?  And that it was the first January 19th of my life when my dad wasn’t here for his birthday?

So we’ve got a whole wide range of reasons/excuses now!

hormones

stress

inner brat/greed

a cold

grief

On reflection……..I ate because I wanted too.  Even as I was preparing a highly calorific treat or shoveling in overly large portions of otherwise healthy food, I was thinking how good it will feel to be eating right and moving.

Is that just me?  Can everybody else fantasize about going to the gym while eating home baking?

Well – at least I know how far I still have to go:  a LONG way.

As the husband is now away for 10 days, I’m going to take this time to reduce my options by eating the same things for breakfast and lunch and get back into the groove of smaller portions.  When the exploding head recovers a little, I’ll get back into walking and rowing.

As for the hormones:  I DID feel as though I were standing beside myself for a couple of days.  It was very odd and something I’ve only experienced once before.  I didn’t feel as though my body was my own.  But did I respond by eating well and exercising?  Did I bother to do the very thing that I know will help restore balance to my life?  No. I poured a glass of wine, ate bread at every meal and finished it all off with sugar.  I did the very thing that I know will make everything worse.

OK -It’s clean slate day.  And clean fridge day since I ate everything in it yesterday.

And I will do my taxes and banking today so that they’re not hanging over my head.

And to answer Donna’s question, in my experience, hormones, stress and inner brat all need to be handled with the same positive eating and moving behaviour.

Ditto a cold and grief.

Next time I will come here and write about it before the eating gets out of hand.

 Posted by Millie at 1:01 am  Tagged with: , ,

Gratitude

 Thoughts on the Process  2 Responses »
Jan 182010
 
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I’m reading a new book called 59 Seconds:  Think a Little, Change a Lot – and it has really caused me to evaluate little things.  Like gratitude.  The books suggests writing down a few things once a week that we’re grateful for.

So I did.  I wrote that I was thankful for my overall good health.  My job and economic stability.  My family and friends.  My garden.  My love for travel and reading.  As I wrote, I realized that these are all things I take for granted every day.

You may wonder why I’m bringing this up on a weight-loss forum.  But it occurred to me (as it has before) that eating right is more than just losing weight.  It’s a lifestyle, sure, but it also involves being at peace with yourself. If you are stressed or worried or unhappy, it makes it that much harder to “take it off.”

Thinking about the good things in our lives is one way to bring peace to our lives.  Just a few quick minutes a day is all it takes, and it’s amazing how good it can make you feel.

 Posted by Mardee at 5:31 am

Happy New Year

 Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Jan 182010
 
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I hope I don’t spend all of 2010 almost three weeks behind, but today does seem like a new beginning.

Today is the day to restart some good habits that got lost amidst the travelling, celebrating and general happy chaos and illness stress of the past two months.  Wow, I’ve been in maintenance and not-even-really-thinking-about-maintenance mode for almost two months.

Quick look at the calendar…. seven weeks.

In seven weeks I’ve gained 3 pounds; that’s .429 pounds per week or 22.3 pounds per year.  Add the 3 I’ve already gained and that’s 25 pounds back on by this time next year.

OH…..did anyone else see that giant light bulb pulsing a bright light over my head?

That’s how it happens.

I lose weight.

I move quickly from mindful maintenance to mindless maintenance to not really maintaining at all.

And all of a sudden I’m 25 pounds heavier – otherwise known as Right Back To Where I Started.

AHA.

And to think that this post was going to be a little pat on the back for gaining “only” 3 pounds over the past seven weeks.  Instead it’s a complete eye opener about how I fail to keep weight off.

OK – regroup.  Today IS the first day back to good habits.

Journal

Move

Think

It doesn’t look like much but it is the difference between taking off the final 6 and putting back on the whole 25.  Serious stuff.  I will NOT be starting this weight loss journey all over again in 2011.  I will not.

Wow…wanders off to Nutracheck to journal breakfast…..still scratching head at the revelation.

 Posted by Millie at 1:15 am  Tagged with: ,

Approaching the Starting Line

 Exercise, Keeping Going  3 Responses »
Jan 152010
 
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That’s what life has felt like this week.

I’ve said my good-byes and performed the last minute motherly and daughterly duties,
I’ve travelled across the world to my other (real?) home,
and I’ve hit the ground running through a jet-lagged fog to get ready for a weekend working away.

And all that time I’ve been thinking, “I’ll start thinking about my eating and fitness next week.”

I know that’s diet mentality but I can’t fight it in this blur of sleep deprived busy-ness.

I want to erase the above write something more upbeat and proactive, but I know without a doubt that this is a weekend for going easy on myself and letting me get caught up with myself.

On a positive note we have eaten vast quantities of vegetables – why oh why are the vegetables on this tiny island so superior to their Canadian cousins? Even the huge wintry carrots are sweet and juicy. And the broccoli makes you want to eat more of it.

So now I’m looking forward to doing a proper grocery shop on Monday and getting ready to be on my own for another couple of weeks as the husband jets off to exotic places.  I’m already planning the soups and evening meals: Moroccan chickpeas and mushrooms served on roasted butternut squash.  I might add a bit of chicken.

And I’m looking forward to dropping a few more pounds.  That’s actually quite a huge statement because it means that I’m planning to be lighter than I’ve been for many years.  To go along with this, I’m hoping to finally finally get to grips with seeing myself accurately.  I want to develop objective eyes for looking in mirrors.  Is that asking too much?

And rowing. I fantasise about rowing. And I’m looking forward to improving my 4 mile walk/jog  time and adding a mile or two.  (Aside: On that note, here’s an article from last weekend’s Times: 20 Fitness Myths Debunked)

So that’s what’s running through my mind as I approach the starting line…….I’m looking forward to what comes next.

 Posted by Millie at 1:40 am  Tagged with: ,

Delayed Gratification

 Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Jan 112010
 
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A friend of mine bought some carrot cake from a wonderful bakery and intended to eat it with a nice meal.  However, she was full after the meal so decided to put the carrot cake in the freezer until she really wanted it.  She ate it 10 months later and enjoyed every bite.

Note that says 10 MONTHS and not 10 minutes.

I aspire to this kind of food sanity.  I want to fill my freezer with things that would be lovely to eat when I really really want them and be relaxed in the knowledge that I wouldn’t really really want them before they even got cold, never mind frozen.

This thought comes to you from the airport.  I am drinking a latte – that I didn’t really want.

See you on the other side – in a day or two.

 Posted by Millie at 6:51 pm  Tagged with:

Consuming and Consumed By

 Thoughts on the Process  1 Response »
Jan 082010
 
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Well…..

While I was neatly lining up my ducks in a row for 2010, I failed to recognize the shadow that was creeping up behind me, the great beast made up of all the ingredients that add up to food/body insanity if I don’t take care.  Plus a loaf of very good bread.

So while I’m “la la la la la”ing looking out the front window at the tug boats chuffing by, I fail to notice that I’m really really stressed about -

  • getting some stuff on paper for a proposal

I can blog forever, email friends, write letters even, but as soon as it becomes “official” – usually with a form attached – I develop a procrastinate at any price attitude. Bread stuffs down work stress.

  • saying good-bye

My mom and I live 5,000 miles apart and every time I say good-bye it’s heart-breaking.  I know that my visits make her days happier.  I also know that one day it’s going to be the last good-bye.  Bread stuffs down sadness and guilt.

  • sorting out my social life

At the beginning of my six week visits I am great with making plans.  By the end, I seem to crave solitude.  But I want to see people.  Bread stuffs down mixed emotions.

  • stuff to do

By this point, anything that puts an expectation on my time – especially work that I should have done a week ago – seems a disproportioned burden.  Bread stuffs that down too.

If I had a do-over for the past few days, it would have started at the grocery store where I first spied that loaf of wonderful granary bread.  I would have left it on the shelf and bought more soup.  Of course, it’s not the bread itself that is “bad” – it’s the way I consume it and why I consume it that propels me into less and less sane food behaviour.

After avoiding the bread, I would have come here to write about the stuff that was probably going to derail me over the next few days.  I’ve done this SO many times that I do know what’s coming.

Then, having expressed my worries and pressures, I could have dealt with my desire to stuff them all down with bread.  I might even have taken a walk instead.

OK – I must remember to read this in the spring when I’m packing up to go home again.

 Posted by Millie at 8:29 am  Tagged with:

Another Year – What’s it going to bring?

 Thoughts on the Process  1 Response »
Jan 052010
 
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I’ve been thinking loads but not writing because I still have this health issue pushing it’s way into every thought.
But, biliary system aside, what do I hope for 2010?

I hope that I will continue walking down the road towards sanity when it comes to food and body.

  • I know that I’ll have to journal when I want to lose weight but I also want to NOT journal for a while and just get to know what, when and how much I can eat without being overly analytical.
  • I know I’ll have to force myself into the gym a couple of times a week – but I also want to make this a year when I move naturally for it’s own sake – because the more I move, the better I’ll feel.
  • I know I’ll have to…… hey, I was going to talk about making good food choices a natural part of life, you know what?  That’s one bit of sanity I seem to have most of the time now.  I’m not always great on amounts but these past few days in the city have proven that I crave good, lean fresh food when I can’t have it.  There’s nothing like enforced restaurant eating to get feasting out of my system.

It doesn’t look too exciting but I don’t want drama when it comes to the everyday process of staying fit and healthy.  I long for the day of no food/body drama at all.

Ah ha! (I love the gradually clarity of thought as the words hit the page) -

So here’s what I hope for 2010:  no drama whatsoever in my life.

Consider that both a wish and a prayer.

 Posted by Millie at 10:08 am
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