28Jun10 Grazing – Last 10lbs 16/42
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Yesterday was another easy day and I can’t quite pinpoint why.  Easy?

Easy as in not stomach hungry except at normal, predictable times, and not emotionally hungry at all really.  One thought is that it might be the exercise effect as mentioned yesterday.  The other possibility is that I’m having a hormonally neutral month – or maybe all this walking & running is just levelling out the effects of hormones.  The next two weeks will tell!

I’m getting in the swing of thinking ahead about meals. Moi?  Planning?  Who’d have thought.

Now this may unravel as I switch countries again in August but I’m enjoying having a whole week of breakfasts and lunches planned and pretty much devoid of choice.  This week, I will eat all of the following between 7 am and about 4 pm, spread out any way that fits with both my appetite and my schedule:

  • coffee (first things first!)
  • porridge with yogourt (blueberries if I want)
  • 2 ryvitas with marmalade
  • 2 or 3 mugs of tea
  • cottage cheese – usually plain – this has never been “diet” food for me, just like it that way.
  • 2 more ryvitas – usually spread with the plain cottage cheese
  • carrots or peppers or fruit as available

I will add more food if I’ve done a 4 or 5 mile walk/run, usually a banana with peanut butter.

It’s taken me a long time to understand the benefit of 6 small meals rather than 3 large ones but I’ve finally figured out how to make grazing work for me. To fit our preferred lifestyle, I eat about 4 times during the day then have a good sized evening meal with a glass of wine.  Eating normally with loved ones after a day of work is too important to sacrfice for the sake of weight loss.  We usually eat between 7 and 8 and, except for a cup of tea, that’s it for the day.

This has just highlighted something for me: we don’t snack in the evening anymore.  In fact, on Saturday we decided to pick up something for watching football and then forgot to do it and I didn’t even notice until just now – Monday morning.  Strange indeed.

I’m guessing that this is one of the positive sides of empty nesting- nil junk food- but still, it’s amazing to me that this could just disappear after a lifetime of needing something to nibble while watching television.

I suppose my biggest lesson learned over the past two years is that I can change – even habits that have been entrenched for years and years.

Now, if I could just make exercise an easy habit rather than a daily challenge……..

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27Jun10 Last 10 Pounds 14&15/42
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The weekend is drawing to a close so I thought I’d better check in.  Even though the eating is pretty perfect and the exercise is better than ever, I’m not losing weight.

However – rather than panic or chuck it all in, I’m going to keep doing what I know I should be doing and see what happens this week. I’m feeling bizarrely peaceful about it all so will just accept and keep going. I think it might be the exercise effect. There is no doubt that daily exercise improves my mood.

Shall I say that again but a little louder?

There is no doubt that daily exercise improves my mood.

Judging from recent experience, it also improves my digestive system and my work ethic and my marriage. Who knew?

And yet…….I still cynically wonder when it will all fall apart. But I’m not worrying about that now.  I’ve got five weeks till I leave for Canada.  I will work hard and do what I need to do until then.

Back to the football.  England may have crashed out but Argentina is more entertaining anyway.

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24Jun10 Fat Armpits – Last 10lbs 13/42
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Yesterday was great until just before bed when I found myself properly physically hungry but didn’t think through what was going to fill me up with the most nutrition and the least calories.  Instead, I reached for the “easy food” and had peanut butter crackers and then cereal.  I ended up full but they weren’t the best choices.  What would have been?

Well – I had completely forgotten about the strawberries in the fridge, already sliced, which I could have had with a bowl of yogourt with some oats sprinkled on top.  That would have been filling, satisfying to eat and tasty.  Next time.

Every once in a while I check in on the Paul Plakas website because I enjoy his monthly question and answer blog.

questionHi Paul,

I am almost 32 years old and have an active lifestyle. I’m 5′3 and 110lbs and like the look of my body EXCEPT I have “fat armpits”. I’m getting married in 5 months and have a strapless dress and would like to get rid of my “fat armpits” before the date. Could you recommend a few exercises that would target the area and help me get rid of them?

Thanks!

Audrey from Calgary

answerHi Audrey,

Since you are already at a good weight and just want some spot reduction your only option is liposuction. There are no exercises you can do to remove fat off specific parts of your body.

This one made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.  FAT ARMPITS?  I admire Paul for his restraint and, as always, his bluntess.

But sadly, I think the question reveals a person who just doesn’t see the Big Picture of her slim trim body and who, every time she looks in the mirror, sees only her armpit issue.

I hope, before she’s 40, Audrey learns to love her little body and wear clothes that cover up her “imperfections”.  Otherwise she’s going to get to middle age never having felt young and attractive like she should.  How many overweight middle aged women wake up to the fact that they weren’t nearly so fat in their younger days as they thought they were?

Love your bodies, women!

Love your bone structure because that isn’t going to change no matter how much or little you weigh.

Love your eyes and your toes and your knees and even your armpits because those are what they are – and they probably look exactly like your mother’s.

And before you consider that liposuction, ask the person who loves your body more than you do if they mind your little physical quirks.  If the answer is yes, dump them.

Stand back from the mirror, look at the whole picture and be thankful. Any other way leads to madness.

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23Jun10 Accountability Last 10lbs 12/42
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We had a beautful salad last night with hot smoked peppered salmon (not just any hot smoked peppered salmon), very dark green and purple lettuces, vine tomatoes, red pepper and cucumber.   I would normally also add fresh blueberries and toasted almonds but was out of the former and looked up the caloric content of the the latter.

I would normally add about 60g (2 oz) because they are so lovely but that adds 160 calories to each portion. I know that almonds are a great source of good things but, frankly, I’d rather have my glass of wine, knowing that I’ve had loads of protein and “good things” in the fish.

The husband commented on the lack of almonds and I found myself coming up with a sensible answer.

Basically – that’s exactly the kind of thing we can add back into our diet once the last 10 pounds are off.  Previously I might have added back something like a couple of cookies with a cup of tea – but almonds in the salad are so much better and so much nicer to think of.  And so much less likely to be overeaten when there’s no salad in sight.

But I was going to write about accountability.  This is just to say that we’ve been invited out for dinner tomorrow. It is completely outside my personality to ask ahead what we’ll be having – and, yes, even when the food is being prepared by one of my closest friends on the planet.  Instead, I need a plan to stick to.

  • I’ve already volunteered to bring the veggie platter for snacking and playing cards later.
  • I’m in the exercise groove this week and am aiming for a 5 mile walk/run today and 3 miles tomorrow.
  • Wine: 2 glasses – and bring 2 bottles of perrier or similar.
  • Portions: small and fill up plate with veg.
  • Dessert: mint tea?  Can I do it?  We’ll see.  I might have a small portion.

Does it matter?  Well it turns out I really did undo last week’s hard work with one silly weekend so, yes, it matters.

A picture just flashed into my head of my childhood snakes and ladders game.

As much as I hate the “good/bad” language of weight loss, I also hate the “undo it all” weekend experience.  So I’m not going to undo it all this weekend.  That’s a promise to myself.

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22Jun10 Running – Last 10 lbs 11/42
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Reading about other people’s running is like reading about their computer problems: makes you want to stick a pencil in your eye just to relieve the boredom.

However, I’m at that lovely early stage in my relationship with this particular form of exercise where I’m still slightly in love. I find myself thinking about running with something vaguely resembling hunger. I can lie awake at night and imagine the feeling of general well-being that moving brings.

Then, in the morning, I put on the gear, plug in the ipod and (crucially) hide behind the baseball cap and sunglasses, and head out the door.  Within 2 minutes the fantasy run disappears and it just hurts.

Yesterday I decided to run rather than walk out the door and see how far I could go before I needed a break.  I managed almost a mile then walked a bit then picked it up again then walked a lot, managing only to run a minute or so at a time. The overall result was 3 miles in 35 minutes.

Here’s my question:  If I can cover 3 miles alternating running and walking, why can’t I just cover it all at a slow steady jog of 5 mph?

It’s a mystery.  Maybe my natural running pace is too fast for my current level of fitness.  I guess I don’t really know what it feels like to run 5 mph. Yesterday I covered that first mile at 6.5 mph – will have to work on that.

Anyway – while I was loping (let’s call it that for the sake of broadening vocabulary and not because it’s an accurate description of my form) – while I was loping along I started setting fitness goals.  I could envision doing this every day.  I would gradually increase the running and decrease the walking.  I would be running my whole 5 mile route by September.

Then I remembered reality.  As soon as I start setting those kind of goals, I quit.  As soon as I go through my little pocket calendar and project how much weight I will lose by my birthday, the whole plan falls apart.  As soon as I work out how much money I can save by Christmas, the budget flies out the window.  As soon as I decide to run a 10k race, I will give up running.

I love the idea of planning and setting goals but the reality just doesn’t agree with me.

Insight! That kind of goal setting requires a certain steadiness that I don’t possess.  I harbour a fantasy that I will one day be a measured human being but the fact is that I’m more at home with a Feast or Famine lifestyle.  Maybe Peaks and Troughs is a better description.  It’s not actually All or Nothing – more that I love a rhythm of life which is sometimes full and buzzing with activity and sometimes calm and pretty much devoid of responsibility.  Most people seem to get through life at a steady jog but I much prefer to alternate sprinting with resting.

Ha! Believe it or not, I started writing that last sentence with no idea that there was a connection between my approach to running and my approach to life. Interesting what comes out while blabbing.  Well well well.

9 Comments Posted by Millie in Exercise, Last Ten Pounds
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22Jun10 Last 10 Pounds 10/42
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Yesterday was fine -as it often is when I’m “getting back to it”.  But enough about me….I’ve found a new site where I can happily procrastinate away the hours!

Obesity Panacea

They’re Canadian.

They’re scientists.

They’re serious about research.

They debunk myths around food and weight loss.

They have good discussions.

What’s not to love?

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21Jun10 Last 10 Pounds 9/42
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The scale says I spent the weekend undoing all my previous hard work. I’m doubting that but it was a teeny poke in the ribs to wake up and do what I want to do.

Yesterday wasn’t superb as far as behaviour but I did haul my most unwilling body off the sofa and go for a 5 mile walk. I didn’t run at all and even my music was the stuff that I normally use for stretching and cooling down. I’m relieved to find that my new 5 mile route can be used for relaxing as well as killing my lungs.

But this morning I realised what has been missing for the past couple of days: I’ve been thinking about all the “shoulds” of this process but haven’t once thought about what it is that I really want. Not once.

So today I’m thinking about 139. That’s what I want. That’s what I want.

Here’s a London experience that shows how far I have to go with that.

The husband and I went to a pub where I settled on the patio and he went and asked for a glass of Merlot and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. They were surprisingly nice for pub wines. After dinner, I went to the bar and asked for exactly the same thing – only I came back with undrinkable swill. Honestly.

I furiously decided just to drink mine but the husband took his back and returned with a glass of the good stuff. It was a real crisis moment for me. I knew exactly what I wanted but I equally knew that I didn’t want to go through the hassle and embarrassment of getting it. I sat with the glass of wine for about half an hour before I finally got up the nerve. But I did it. I suffered the patronizing bartender (who had exchanged the man’s wine with an apology! grrrr) and I drank the whole glass even though I didn’t actually want it by then.

So this 139 project is a little part of a big thing in my life. I was raised by good people who were horrified by ambition of any kind and “getting what you want” just didn’t feature in life. Don’t misunderstand me – I don’t want to become selfish and this is all tempered for me with “God willing” and with a big concern for how my life impacts the lives of others. But not living up to your potential because you don’t want to look ambitious or successful is another kind of selfish.

So weight is big but what I’m working on has implications for the rest of my life too. 139 is a symbol for who I want to be.

A post-script thought which just hit me like a bolt from the blue:

For anyone inclined this way, have a look at Psalm 139. This is what draws the line between “realising potential” and “selfish ambition” and keeps 139 entirely in perspective.

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20Jun10 Last 10 Pounds 8/42
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I’m not reporting in arrears today, rather, “As It Happens”.

Much has been said about triggers for eating.

stress

hormones

anger

grief

and the rest.

But today I want to talk to you about The Hangover. I don’t drink more than two glasses of wine very often any more because the next morning dawns with a ripping headache and a desire for nothing except lying a still as possible on the sofa.

In the dark.

It lasts till about noon and then I can go about my day – but, by then, the eating is usually shot.

I’m saying all this because I’m feeling much better now – thank you for asking – and I can decide that it’s all shot to hell or I can reign it in and replenish the nutrition I swamped out of my body last night.

That’s about all I can manage for now.  Time for another large mug of tea.

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19Jun10 Last 10 Pounds 7/42
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The only reason yesterday wasn’t a disaster was that I had exactly the right food in the house and knew what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  The evening was notable for the disastrous football rather than disastrous eating so that’s something.  I did have an extra glass of wine for medicinal purposes.

It seems that I’ve lost 1.8lbs this week.  That’s just a fact – not a reason to do a dance. But it’s the right direction and it reflects my behaviour this week.

**********************************************************************************************************

Little stars mean the start of an unrelated thought.  I wish I had little stars for talking – sometimes the conversational shifts are a little sudden.

One of my favourite things about Nutracheck is that, for a tiny monthly fee, I have permanent storage of my weight loss history for the past 2.5 years.  Sadly, in an effort to create a “clean slate” I wiped out Jan-July 08 – but I know that I lost about 15lbs then put 10 back on.  That gain was the turning point that prompted me to start writing about the process.

Once in a while it’s worth looking at the big picture.

Interruption: Why oh why do I feel guilty for not having to suffer as much as other people?  Or rather, why do I feel I have to apologise for not letting myself become obese?  I should be very proud of myself for stopping and turning and never going back to that high weight even during the most stressful 2 years of my life.  Right. That’s official.  I am genuinely proud of myself for not allowing my weight to get even more out of control than it was.

Interruption over.

The thing I learn most from the chart below is that I have a very very poor memory when it comes to my weight loss journey.  I thought I was going to see that I’ve been below my current weight many times in the past 12 months.  In fact, I’ve been bouncing around the same 5lbs since the end of November – not even seven months.

Is it too painfully obvious to point out that the gains happen during the breaks from journalling and, except for one Christmas/surgery episode, those breaks are when I’m in Canada?  Apparently, I did something right last summer and didn’t gain anything during a 6 week break.  I guess I’d better figure out what it was and do it again.

I truly thought I was stuck in a never-ending battle to lose the last 10 pounds.  Turns out I’m not “stuck”; I just need to pay attention and be committed to maintaining when I take a break from trying to lose weight.

I use the word “just” as though it’s going to be easy. I’d better rephrase….It turns out I’m not stuck; I’m prone to getting lazy when I’m not in losing mode.  So I will continue with the “hard work” even when I weigh exactly what I want to weigh.

And I will stop apologising to imaginary people for doing what I need to do to get what I want.

(And that makes me feel awkward just writing it.)

Sat 19 Jun 10 146.6 lbs
23.4 lbs 24.4
Sat 12 Jun 10 148.4 lbs
21.6 lbs 24.7
Sat 22 May 10

Break +4.5lbs

 148.6 lbs
21.4 lbs 24.7
Sat 10 Apr 10 144 lbs
26.0 lbs 24.0
Sat 20 Mar 10 146 lbs
24.0 lbs 24.3
Sat 13 Mar 10 144 lbs
26.0 lbs 24.0
Sat 06 Mar 10 143.5 lbs
26.5 lbs 23.9
Sat 27 Feb 10 144 lbs
26.0 lbs 24.0
Sat 20 Feb 10 146 lbs
24.0 lbs 24.3
Sat 06 Feb 10

Break +4lbs

 147 lbs
23.0 lbs 24.5
Sat 28 Nov 09 143 lbs
27.0 lbs 23.8
Sat 14 Nov 09 146.2 lbs
23.8 lbs 24.3
Sat 07 Nov 09 147.4 lbs
22.6 lbs 24.5
Sat 31 Oct 09 147.5 lbs
22.5 lbs 24.5
Sat 24 Oct 09 150 lbs
20.0 lbs 25.0
Sat 19 Sep 09 149.5 lbs
20.5 lbs 24.9
Fri 04 Sep 09

Break – same!

 151 lbs
19.0 lbs 25.1
Fri 17 Jul 09 151 lbs
19.0 lbs 25.1
Fri 10 Jul 09 149.5 lbs
20.5 lbs 24.9
Sat 04 Jul 09 151 lbs
19.0 lbs 25.1
Fri 26 Jun 09 151 lbs
19.0 lbs 25.1
Fri 12 Jun 09 151 lbs
19.0 lbs 25.1
Sun 07 Jun 09

Break +2lbs

 153 lbs
17.0 lbs 25.5
Fri 03 Apr 09 151 lbs
15.0 lbs 25.8
Sat 28 Mar 09 151 lbs
15.0 lbs 25.8
Mon 02 Mar 09 152 lbs
14.0 lbs 26.0
Tue 20 Jan 09

Break +5lbs

 153 lbs
17.0 lbs 25.5
Tue 02 Dec 08 148 lbs
22.0 lbs 24.6
Mon 10 Nov 08 149 lbs
21.0 lbs 24.8
Mon 27 Oct 08 150 lbs
20.0 lbs 25.0
Fri 03 Oct 08 153 lbs
17.0 lbs 25.5
Sat 20 Sep 08 155 lbs
15.0 lbs 25.8
Mon 08 Sep 08 156 lbs
14.0 lbs 26.0
Mon 25 Aug 08 157 lbs
13.0 lbs 26.1
Mon 18 Aug 08 159 lbs
11.0 lbs 26.5
Mon 11 Aug 08 160 lbs
10.0 lbs 26.6
Mon 04 Aug 08 161 lbs
9.0 lbs 26.8
Mon 28 Jul 08 163 lbs
7.0 lbs 27.1
Mon 21 Jul 08 165 lbs
5.0 lbs 27.5
Wed 02 Jan 08 170 lbs
0.0 lbs 28.3
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18Jun10 Last 10 Pounds 5&6/42
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I’ve been at a conference so my brain is full and I’ve got all sorts of feedback to give people and it’s Friday. (The Friday issue may be the key to my lack of brain power at the moment.)

So this will be short.  I did very well until I let myself get too hungry and lost the plot between 4 and 10 pm on Wednesday.  Quite a lot of plot-losing can happen in 6 hours.

Yesterday was fine because I was in a conference all day, drinking loads of water and not touching the biscuits at break time or the desserts at lunch.  Unbelievably, the food was lovely so I did eat well and managed to wait until 9pm to eat dinner.

So it’s back to losing mode today.

I think I’ve decided that, even when I really really want to lose excess pounds, it’s more sane to agree to maintaining rather than attempting to lose while I’m out of town.  Sanity is more important than a couple of ounces off and I’m pretty sure that a decision to “do my best” leads to more sensible behaviour than the expectation to accomplish the impossible and lose weight while eating out for two days. I will test this hyposthesis next time I’m working away and report back with my findings.

OK – better go find some mental energy to get back to work.  I’d rather curl up with a book but emails beckon.

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