attitude adjustment » Talking It Off

Back to the Beginning…

Giving up, Starting Again Again No Responses »

Dec 192009

I know it–I’ve entered weight-loss hell. I found myself wondering how I could lose 20 pounds by this afternoon. I’m SO unhappy with how I look and feel. I have ALL the tools I need to deal with that, so why am I NOT dealing with it? Ok, let’s be realistic–I CAN’T lose 20 pounds by this afternoon. But maybe by Christmas Eve? Ok, now I’m kidding. But seriously, I have fallen right back into that ugly place where I’m looking for quick fixes and the latest fad diets to get to where I want to be. Yes, I know they don’t work. No, I’m not going to try one. But I sure the hell WANT to. THIS is why I became a remedial buddy in the first place. I find myself ending up back at this same spot no matter how much I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown. It’s like being 15 and SO incredibly lacking in confidence in myself. I don’t understand how that can happen so easily.

What to do now? I’ve signed on to Weight Watchers Online. I wish I could afford meetings, but that’s not going to happen right now. Maybe someday, because I know that works better for me. The rest I will have to do myself, with the support of my blog buddies, my BCB buddies, and the friend at work who just went back to WW meetings. I know I can do this. So why is it such a struggle?

Time to go back and read the attitude adjustment post from December 8th, and move on from there…

Ok, attitude adjustment exercise:

I have 2 GREAT daughters, 24 & 27, and I’m proud to say I’m their mom.

I have a family I love, even in the face of all our dysfunction.

My family will celebrate the holidays with all the joy and cheer that makes it a very special time for all.

I have a good relationship with my ex, which is good for my daughters.

I have a job. Many people don’t.

I LIKE my job, at least most of the time.

I have off from said job from Christmas to New Years Day.

I have the physical ability to exercise.

I have the mental ability to make better choices.

I have the brains to make all this work FOR me.

I have motivation to be strong, healthy, and fiscally fit, so that when spring gets here, I can fire up my Harley, modify it any way I want, and ride like the wind. (A slow wind, of course…)

I have awesome friends and a great support system! Shout out to all my BCB buddies, and Millie, Donna & Mardee at the blog! (IPB too, you know who you are!)

I am strong enough, and smart enough, and tough enough, to do this and to do it well. I can get my eating, my spending, my level of physical activity, and my attitude, all under control and headed in the right direction.

Ok, now that I’ve given myself a pep talk, I can start my day with a smile on my face, and the desire to change my circumstances.

Having gone back and reread that, I feel better. I know that this struggle is just one part (although a very important part) of my life. But when I look at my other successes, I know that I can win at this game, because it is a deadly-serious game–one that I have to win. For the sake of my health, for the sake of my children and any future grandchildren I might have, and for those others in my life who are important to me (especially my brother, who struggles with his own demons, and who I am incredibly close to). It must be done.

Making adjustments to make progress

Starting Again Again, Things to try 2 Responses »

Dec 082009

I unintentionally started an attitude adjustment thread on BCB, and thought I’d share it here too. I’m struggling with having to adjust my budget to include an 80 mile round trip commute daily, that doesn’t fit into my current budget. I’m also struggling with all the previous issues: food, spending, lack of exercise. And when I toss in the enforced commute and the extra expense and time (estimate: $150-200 a month, 90 minutes to 2 hours a day), I get a seriously bad attitude about the whole thing. I’m struggling with this attitude, because I can’t change what’s happened, and I’m not willing to give up a job I like, even though it’s becoming a problem for me financially. So here’s my BCB post, edited to make sense in a different forum:

Gotta spend some time with the budget (or lack thereof) to see how to fit everything in. The more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to cut the cable TV, and maybe look around for cheaper internet as well. We’ll see. It’s hard to think of not having all the stuff I’m used to watching, but that’s what it’s come down to. I guess I’ll just have to learn how to be a grown up. Can’t help but be pissed off that other people can make decisions that make me have to think about things like this.

Unfortunately, every time I start thinking about the whole situation, I get all riled up. That’s not good, and I’m not sure how to change direction. I try to adjust my attitude, but it always comes back around to “WTF???” And that affects all my other behaviors–shopping, eating, and the eternal desire to plop on my couch and spend the winter there without moving. Better knock that off!!!

Ok, attitude adjustment exercise:

I have 2 GREAT daughters, 24 & 27, and I’m proud to say I’m their mom.
I have a family I love, even in the face of all our dysfunction.
My family will celebrate the holidays with all the joy and cheer that makes it a very special time for all.
I have a good relationship with my ex, which is good for my daughters.
I have a job. Many people don’t.
I LIKE my job, at least most of the time.
I have off from said job from Christmas to New Years Day.
I have the physical ability to exercise.
I have the mental ability to make better choices.
I have the brains to make all this work FOR me.
I have motivation to be strong, healthy, and fiscally fit, so that when spring gets here, I can fire up my Harley, modify it any way I want, and ride like the wind. (A slow wind, of course…)
I have awesome friends and a great support system! Shout out to all my BCB buddies, and Millie, Donna & Mardee at the blog! (IPB too, you know who you are!)
I am strong enough, and smart enough, and tough enough, to do this and to do it well. I can get my eating, my spending, my level of physical activity, and my attitude, all under control and headed in the right direction.

Ok, now that I’ve given myself a pep talk, I can start my day with a smile on my face, and the desire to change my circumstances.

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