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And by “effects” I don’t mean weight loss.

All day yesterday when thinking about eating, I asked myself, “What would happen if I didn’t eat?”  And here’s what happened.

  • Breakfast: Knew I’d be very cranky and hungry if I didn’t eat so I did.
  • Lunch in a coffee shop: The answer was I’d be too hungry to keep shopping so I ordered a small latte half a sandwich rather than a large latte and a whole sandwich.
  • Mid afternoon, walking past every other coffee shop two hours later when I was a little hungry and a lot fed up with shopping: I decided I wouldn’t die if I didn’t eat so I went home and had a big mug of tea.
  • Supper, faced with portion decisions: I decided I could eat a smaller portion than usual and filled up my plate with vegetables.
  • By 8 I was hungryish – not very and I didn’t really wait for an answer to the “what if I didn’t” question before eating peanut butter on a ryvita. Note that it was a good choice of food for the situation but I still wished I’d thought harder about finding an answer before eating it. I think this is just a matter of getting better at asking and waiting for myself to answer before eating.
  • Evening in a house with no wine: Asked myself what would happen if I didn’t have a gin and tonic. The answer was that I would become very resentful of the water I’d been happily drinking so I had a g & t.
  • Later in the evening (10:30 maybe) when the husband cracked open the cheese: I asked myself what would happen if I didn’t eat cheese too. Embarassingly, I decided that this could make me angry if I had to sit there and watch him enjoy cheese and bread and whiskey- even though I wasn’t in the least bit angry about anything else. So, I  went and got myself a little cheese and ate it.

I think we’ll call that little blip “dieting resentment” and I need to learn to think positively during those moments of self-denial that will have good consequences down the road a ways. What I should have done was just remove myself from the cheese – because it did look and smell good – and done something else for a few minutes that didn’t involve going into the kitchen. Next time.

Day 2 begins, complete with wine and cheese party tonight. Deep breath.

 
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So here’s some new research that I think any long term dieter could have written – but in plainer language.

Purpose: Weight loss is critical in the fight against obesity yet only about 20% of individuals maintain weight loss long term. This review examines the psychological factors influencing weight loss maintenance….

Conclusion: Evidence indicated avoiding dichotomous thinking, eating to regulate mood, and disinhibited eating were associated with weight loss maintenance. Increased dietary restraint, perceived benefits outweighing costs, lower/stable levels of depression, and more positive body image were also associated with weight loss maintenance. …

And it all means?

If you want to maintain a weight loss (and I would add, lose it in the first place), get rid of the following behaviours:

  • dichotomous thinking = All or Nothing, On or Off Programme, On or Off the Wagon
  • eating to regulate mood = Ice-cream* or Cheese* Therapy (insert applicable food.)
  • disinhibited eating  = “I eat because it’s there.”

And add the following behaviours:

  • increased dietary restraint = too big for a one-liner. This is the whole lifelong commitment to a new and better way of eating.
  • perceived benefits outweighing cost = “I’d rather wear that dress than eat that doughnut.” (I know there’s a better deeper reason but it didn’t just pop into my mind the way the dress image did.)
  • lower/stable levels of depression = (in my case) keep talking it off and keep moving.
  • having better body image = being motivated to make big changes out of love rather than loathing for my body.

If these really are the secrets to success  – and they ring true to me – then I’m going to work with them for a while.  I know an awful lot about dieting. I know what to eat. I know how much to move. But I’m not getting the results I want – because I’m not being consistent with the things above.

So from this point till I’m bored (can’t promise a timeline), I will notice and work through these things on a daily basis.

 
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Yesterday something happened that made me realise I had a new weapon against obesity:  food snobbery.

I found myself craving chocolate in that “nothing else will do – to hell with everything” way.  I was walking to meet friends and knew I could get some at the store along the way.  The only fair trade fruit and nut was the store brand so I decided to try it.

I left the store, tore open the very (very) large bar and broke off a good chunk.  It was repulsive – tasteless and unsatisfying.  I ate a bit and then…..get this…….threw the whole thing in the bin.  The whole thing!

That’s when I realised that food snobbery is a blessing.  I am no longer satisfied by cheap chocolate.  Or cheap potato chips or cheap ice cream or commercial baked goods.   A little of the best is far far more satisfying that a lot of the worst, or even the middling.

I have no idea when this crept up on me but I like it.  It makes me much more thoughtful about what I really crave and what will satisfy that craving.  Maybe it’s the thinking about food rather than the snobbery that’s the real weapon.

Note to self:  This doesn’t mean you’re “cured” of anything.  Don’t go near the crap if you don’t want to eat it.

 
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The double-mindedness of weight loss is one of the hardest things for me to conquer – besides overeating and under-exercising……..

I’m talking about those times when you are really and truly trying to follow a plan but your mind keeps slipping ahead to some food and drink oriented event in the future. And the result is usually to completely sabotage the present because…….. Because WHY?!

This is the thing I want to know.

The past two days have been like that. The mouth speaks the words: “I’m sick of food. I’m eating for health and energy this week.” And my head agrees. So which organ is it that then reaches for the chocolate, the six crackers or an extra large helping of potatoes? And all the time I’m eating that food that I don’t really want, there’s an tiny voice somewhere -or maybe just a shimmery picture in my head – of all the restaurant eating to come this weekend.

It’s weird behaviour that has its roots in the All of Nothing dieting mindset. And even though I no longer choose to have that mindset, it still affects my actions.

So what’s up for the weekend? The husband and I have already decided that lunch will be a soup only affair. Breakfast is harder because avoiding the hotel breakfast means a coffee shop and that involves baked goods. Be right back…….

I just went looking for nutritional information. Starbucks makes it such a palaver that I almost gave up but found that the reduced fat fruit swirl has 440 cals and 3 grams of saturated fat and 9 grams of protein. The Tim Hortons cinnamon raisin bagel has 270 calories, .2 grams of saturated fat and 10 grams of protein.

Bagel it is then. And we’ll buy 1% milk for the hotel room coffee.

Dinner will be a treat. We’re planning on the Irish Heather pub tonight, Keg Steak on Saturday and no plans yet for tomorrow. Maybe even more soup!

For today, I’m thinking about all the healthy and sane food behaviour I can work into the next 3 days.

  • Eat well
  • Walk loads
  • Enjoy the company

I’ll let you know how it goes.  OH – And Happy New Year!

 
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I’ve been following another blog that has some excellent insights.  It’s located here http://lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/
I’m not sure why but her discussion on mindful eating vs mindless eating reminded me of your (Millie’s) wandering through the grocery store eating this and that. 

I’m in a strange place these days.  I’m teetering between regaining and losing control.  I feel like I’m playing chicken with the scale.  Can I eat this and not show a gain?  What about this?  Oops, gained a bit this week, better back off.  It’s definitely not healthy and I’m trying to put a stop to it.  It makes me realize how very fast mindful eating can become mindless eating if you’re already in a state of denial.

 
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Gracie’s post has got me thinking hard about why I’m no longer addicted to sugar.  There are still times when nothing but sweet will do – but they’re not nearly so bad or frequent as they used to be. I can satisfy the craving with a bit of chocolate rather than a huge bag of something.  I do know that it’s still hard to stop at one sweet treat and if I buy a large bar of chocolate, it’s going to be gone in one sitting rather than eked out over a week.  So I guess I’m not in any way “cured” – I just don’t assume any willpower around sweets.

OK – I think I’ve found the thought that stops me from eating junk most of the time:  It’s the phrase/knowledge/conviction that “It’s not worth it”.  The calories ingested are in no way equal to the pleasure gained.

Now a glass of lovely wine is worth it, but I’m not allowed to drink right now so that’s moot point.

A can of Coke is not worth it.

A small Green and Black’s butterscotch chocolate bar is worth it sometimes.

Maltesers are no longer worth it – especially the large bag that I used to cram down between the grocery store and home.

Pink grapefruit gelato is worth it, especially during a long walk along the beach.

Grocery store ice-cream with its “non-dairy fat products” (ie frozen vegetable oil) is NEVER worth it – especially for breakfast.  I know – not a good habit.

Restaurant desserts are almost always disappointing so not worth it.

A good cappuccino with a teaspoon of sugar is often worth it – and nice with a bite of whatever the husband is having.

I’m still not quite sure how I got to this point of peace without sugar.  I know that if I felt deprived it wouldn’t work.  Instead, I think I’ve finally really internalised the idea of choosing which FREEDOM I want.  Every once in a while I want the freedom to eat sugar and fat combined into a luscious something.  But mostly I like the freedom of my jeans zipping up and being able to run.

I can’t say that this is a permanent situation and there’s no way I would casually have large quantities of sweet treats in the house without a crowd of people to finish them off.  But one day I hope to be a grandma and I want to be the grandma with cookies in the cookie jar – rather than the grandma who meant well but ate all the cookies before the kids arrived.

Oh yeah – yesterday wasn’t a superb day as my ulcer or whatever it is was making me feel really ill.  Time to get this sorted out.

 
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I had a new thought occur to me yesterday, about why I sometimes fall into binges.  Then on BCB this post really hit home.  There’s a lot of good thoughts in that thread.

As I explain in that thread, it occurred to me that maybe I binge as a rebellion against trying to control everything in my life.  Over the last month, I feel like I have no control over anything and it is seriously disturbing my calm. The renovations put my house into a mess, now work has us transitioning to new systems and I can FIND NOTHING!!!! Seriously, my reputation of knowing all and being able to do everything is in serious jeopardy.  Which led me to wonder if my need to have control at all times is what is causing me to subconsciously go off track.  My way of telling myself that it’s a little unhealthy to try to control everything and therefore I overeat to prove that I can’t really control myself.  <sigh> I’m having a hard time explaining what I mean.  The concept is just at the ends of my fingertips and I’m struggling to understand it.

 
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I’ve been wondering what the heck is wrong with me this week.  I’ve been supposedly on vacation but rather than enjoying some ‘me’ time I’ve been busy every day.  That’s fine except that I’ve been very grumpy and resentful about it.  The grumpier and more resentful I became, the more I ate. The more I ate, the busier I got.  I finally had to ask myself who or what I was so resentful of.  Just who was it who was expecting me to do everything?  Certainly not Rick (my husband) and there isn’t anyone else in the house.  I had to face the fact that it was myself that I resented.

I’m sure all of us have heard those people who claim that overweight people are lazy and have no willpower. All they need to do is stop eating and exercise. What’s so hard about that? I know this seems like I’m changing the subject, but bear with me.  Have you ever secretly agreed with them in some part of your mind?  I mean, why can’t I stick to my plan?  Why am I choosing to eat stuff I shouldn’t, eat more than I should, not exercise enough?  Am I just lazy, lacking willpower?  Am I trying to prove otherwise when I go from one task to another?  Look at me, look how busy I am. If I do this and this and this, then how could anyone claim I’m lazy?  But no one is claiming I’m lazy except me.

Why is this so hard? All I have to do is stop eating stuff I shouldn’t and exercise more.  Right?

 
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Millie, I need to circle back to your post on tidy house>tidy mind>tidy eating pattern.  I’ve really been thinking about this a lot recently.  My house has been in a real mess lately as we’ve been having tile and hardwood installed.  I’m more than a little surprised at the impact it has made to my eating patterns.  I am not dealing with the mess at all well.  I sometimes joke about being a little OCD but maybe it’s not really a joke.  It’s been very stressful having everything out of place and messy.  I’ve never been a clean freak, but I don’t do well with disorganization and I’m really not happy about things being out of place.  It’s leading to me not journaling my food intake (where’s my pen and notepad that I keep on the counter) and not measuring my quantities (dang, the scale is under a pile of dishes sitting on the kitchen counter) and not getting in my exercise (the mini tramp is in the basement behind a bunch of furniture) and being very stressed about the entire thing.  Am I really that structured? Yeah, I guess I am.  I just never really thought of it that way when I was busy putting clean dishes at the bottom of the stack so that the dishes all got used about the same amount (plus the glasses, the tupperware, underwear, socks etc).

Where am I going with this? Well, I guess that I need to face this aspect of myself and prepare for it.  Just because the house is disorganized doesn’t mean that I have to be.  I can dig out my scale, my journal is on my pc, the treadmill is still upstairs and accessible.  If I can keep these things on track, maybe it will help me deal with the rest of the mess.

 
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Sunday was ok.  I have SO much on my plate right now that I let thoughtful eating fly away, but yesterday I thought through my day in the morning and stuck to the plan.

Success at this thing is often just being thoughtful about what I’m doing and what I’m going to do.  I’ll never (again) be an obsessive planner because it’s not good for me but thinking through food for a day is a useful tool.

The husband is away and that gives me both time to think and time to wallow – fine line.

SO…..

useful: planning      not useful: obsessing

useful: thinking       not useful: wallowing

useful: trusting       not useful: ignoring the problems & hoping they’ll go away  (that one just came to me)

I saw the phrase, “lives life lightly” the other day and now I think I know what it means.

So today I will live life lightly.

I’m going to let that phrase role over my tongue for a while – lives life lightly – that sounds right and good in these stressful times.

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