slow dieting » Talking It Off

Look Ma – No Hands!

Slow Dieting No Responses »

Jun 272011

In my life, that always ended badly.

But still, I’m giving it a shot.

The past few days have proven to me that I can say all the right things:

Eat only when you’re hungry
Pay attention to how full you are
Drink lots of water
Stick to one glass of wine

But the DOING of them is lagging behind a little.

Because I’m not writing down everything that I’m eating or counting calories, it’s beyond essential that I finally master the art of eating only when hungry and stopping when full. I didn’t realise how far I was from being able to do that.

It turns out I still have diet shaped attitudes.

Am I allowed that?
Do I have enough Points/calories left to eat it all?

My body’s needs and my appetite don’t get a look-in!

My diet-driven thought pattern towards dinner last night was:

cook something “I can eat”
eat all of it – regardless of how much my body wants or needs.

As I was choking down the last bites of a lovely meal, completely stuffed, I found myself thinking, ”And you thought you were over this behaviour…..”

So it’s a matter of continuing on with the basics.

Am I hungry?

Am I still hungry?

And the answer to “Can I eat that?” is YES.

ProPoints ~ PointsPlus Update

Things to try, Thoughts on the Process No Responses »

Nov 292010

I was supposed to be updating my progress with ProPoints but I hit a wall and have been metaphorically collapsed on the pavement for the past week or more. I’m pretty good with hormones as long as they come alone. But when they bring with them their other little gang members – like stress, worry or crappy life events, then I’m usually beaten to a pulp and left lying in the gutter till they go away.

The result is that I have NOT felt like counting points or restricting carbs to the level that the new Weight Watchers plan wishes us to. Just the thought of it makes me feel cranky.

Thankfully, I didn’t turn into a bingeing mess because (hugely thankfully), bingeing is a very very rare event these days. I just needed more than 29 points a day to maintain any form of sanity. I also needed (oh dear – this isn’t going to sound great) a couple of glasses of wine. So I didn’t lose any weight because I didn’t follow the plan. This is not to say that the plan doesn’t work. Of course it works: it’s a diet! And when I want to lose those last 6 pounds (count ‘em! ) , I will follow ProPoints to the letter and they will slip away.

Another “thankfully”: I’m finding it hard to adjust to the new plan – not because I like the old plan better – but because I’ve finally figured out how to maintain my weight loss on NO PLAN. That’s a minor miracle for a woman who has been losing and gaining the same 30 pounds for 30 years.

Dare I say that I may have stumbled on my own secret to permanent weight loss?

Write and write and write for a minimum of three years till you can’t think of another thing to say.
Fall down and get up countless times but never, ever, ever give up.
Alternate losing with maintaining for a long slow journey.
Replace the dieting mentality with the “eating to live” mentality. Enjoy food.

This isn’t a valedictory address of any kind, because I haven’t actually taken off the last of those 30 pounds, but I’m so changed from July 08 when I started this journey that I feel the need to talk about it. Trying to follow ProPoints has just highlighted those changes. This probably needs a new post.

Looking Ahead

Last Ten Pounds, Things to try No Responses »

Sep 192010

I’m not writing much because my real work has taken over my life for a bit. That’s a good thing because real work pays real money. In my pretend life, where I write, contemplate and ponificate full time, I get paid pretend money. So there’s no argument about which gets priority just for the moment.

And I can’t quite get the food thing on track – or, at least – on the exactly right track to do this bloody thing that I promised myself oh so very very long ago.

While clearing out drawers and cupboards at my Mom’s, I found a Christmas letter from 2002 which mentions a wedding in the Higlands of Scotland. The invitation to that wedding was the catalyst which caused me to make a promise to myself to get to a certain (as yet unspecified) weight and stay there for a whole year. So let’s say the invitation arrived in the spring of 2002. That’s eight and a half years of thinking about that promise.

It’s now been over two years since getting serious about working hard and writing my way to a steady weight. In many ways it’s worked. Through the most stressful two years of my life, I have taken off 25 pounds and stayed within five pounds of that goal.

But my promise was about something else. I’m fully aware that the top of the bmi range is still overweight for me. I’m not as “big boned” as my mother used to say. I look ok. I may find that I don’t like what I look like in the middle of the bmi range. I may find that it’s just impossible to maintain that weight while enjoying life. But I’ll never know unless I get there.

So, I’m going to start Talking It Off again -doing the work and seeing if I can’t keep that promise. However.

Yep – HOWEVER, I’m getting bored with this promise thing so I’m going to make it “time sensitive”.

If I can’t be bothered to lose those last 10 pounds by my 50th birthday, my new promise is that I will be happy with whatever weight I’m at and put my energy into being the fittest and healthiest slightly chubby 50 year old I can be.

I’m also getting mighty bored with the diet-head conundrum. I can repeatedly state that I’m not on a diet, that I’m just changing my eating habits – but the fact remains that dropping one to two pounds per week requires a different mindset than maintaining my weight. The result is that I still find it very difficult to get the weight loss/weight gain pendulum to come to a complete stop. So I’m going to experiment with SLOW SLOW SLOW weight loss and just start eating to maintain a weight that is 10 pounds lighter than I am right now.

The problem I foresee is that it’s going to take a while to tell if I’m being successful or not. I reckon I will lose around a pound every three weeks which might get obscured by normal monthly fluctuations. It will probably be two months before I can see any permanent change so I’d better prepare myself for the non-dietness of it all.

The “Maintenance Diet”

Keeping Going, Maintenance 2 Responses »

Aug 022010

Lying awake last night, in an effort to stop thinking about packing, I started thinking about this whole weight loss journey.

For ages now I’ve been thinking that I’m ready to experience maintenance, finally – for the first time ever – actually paying attention to keeping my weight stable. But I’m not yet at the weight I want to maintain.

SO…..and this is where I’m feeling a little bit clever, what if I focus on maintaining the weight I want to be?

What if I just eat and move as though I’m lighter than I actually am? Wouldn’t I eventually just weigh that much?

I’ve taken 2 years to get to where I am anyway and that slow process has been the best thing possible for changing my thinking about the “all or nothing” pendulum of weight loss and weight gain. However, it’s only slowed it and I want to stop the pendulum completely! I want to just eat the way I’m going to have to eat for the rest of my life, understanding that I will need less as I get older and that I will have to stay committed to moving.

There’s no getting away from the fact that, to lose weight right now, I have to put myself into “diet” mode and I need a break from that. A big fat permanent break.

Of course, I’m only saying all this because I’m not particularly unhappy with how I’m looking these days. For my optimum health and vanity I should weigh less, but, in the big scheme of an increasingly obese society, I don’t look very fat. I also own clothes that I like and want to wear again in the autumn and winter. In truth, I’ll be very happy to take a whole year to lose the last bit of weight. But I’m not sure it’s going to take that long.

Here are the numbers:

A sedentary 50 year old woman who is maintaining a weight of 135 pounds should eat about 70 calories per day less than a moderatley active 49 year old woman who weighs 145 pounds.

When I factor in my minimal weekly activity, I figure I’ve got a deficit of around 230 calories per day.

Of course, I will lose that 70 calories from the age and weight difference as I get older and lighter, so I’ll have to move that much more every day. I’m hoping that walking about extra mile will do the trick.

If 10 pounds equals 35,000 calories, it will take me around 22 weeks to actually end up weighing 135 pounds. That’s basically how many weeks there are left this year. And I’m not that fussed about the 135 number – it was just nice and tidy to think in terms of 10 pounds. I’m also not that fussed about the 5 months. I turn 50 at the end of April so wouldn’t that be a nice gift to give myself?

So – a recap of this experiment. For the next few months I’m going to eat as though I’m an inactive 135 pound 50 year old. But I’m going to live as though I’m a moderately active 49 year old. By the time I’m actually 50, I will know what it takes to stay slim and healthy.

That’s the plan.

At least until someone points out the fatal flaw in my apparently flawless thinking……….

More On Slow Dieting – Last 10lbs

Keeping Going, Slow Dieting, Thoughts on the Process 3 Responses »

Jul 162010

Thanks to the weighing every day exercise, I’m now unmoved by the little ups and downs – but a lack of progress these past few weeks has really started to get to me. So I decided to look back at my most successful times of weight loss and do what I did then to get the same results.

What started as a straight-forward quest for information turned into a chance to stand back and see the big picture of these last couple of years.

Jan 2008 – Jul 2010: The Show So Far

Jan 2nd 2008 – Weigh in heavier than any non-pregnant weight. 170 lbs

Jan, Feb, Mar – work really hard and lose 12ish pounds for a family wedding. (That’s from memory as I only kept my starting weight) 158ish lbs

Apr, May, Jun, Jul – Ditch gym, stop journalling (ie stop trying) and gain back all but 5 pounds. 165 lbs

On July 21st I step on the scale and something changes in me. I weigh 165 lbs and am fed up, but I’m then galvanised by something Mardee writes over at BCB.

Aug & half of Sep – I lose 9 pounds by working hard and writing about working hard. It’s the first time I can see real change in my attitude towards the process of losing weight. I’ve looked back at my NutraCheck journals and I was eating 1600 calories a day and counting things like cleaning and shopping as “exercise” – but I lost steadily over those 6 weeks. Interesting and not sure what to do with that information. 156 lbs

Mid-Sep, Oct, Nov - I rush home to Canada to be with my dad because my mom is taken ill. I lose a further 6lbs by simply being too busy and anxious and sad. I’m also never alone in the house, so don’t engage in the usual bingeing behaviour brought on by that sort of stress. I continue to lose a couple of pounds in November (148 lbs) once it’s decided that I need gynae surgery which leads to……..

Dec, Jan 2009 – Yes it’s Christmas and the kids are home and it’s festive – but I’ve also decided that I’ve lost weight so easily these past 5 months because I’m actually dying of cancer. I start to eat to prove to myself that I can gain weight. And guess what? I do! Up 5 lbs between Christmas celebrations, health insanity and then recuperation time. 153 lbs And then….

Feb - At the end of Jan, just when I’m starting to feel like myself again, my dad dies. I fly home, go see a brain injured mom every day and sit alone in his empty house for a month – and eat my grief for both of them. Walking saves me from anything worse than a 3 pound gain but that’s 8 over all and I go home feeling like I’m starting again – only this time I’m sad as well as determined. 156 lbs

Mar, Apr, May, Jun – Go back to Weight Watchers and lose 5 lbs in 4 months. But I’m at the gym a lot so my body is changing and I’m not frustrated by the slow weight loss. The net loss for 12 months is 21 pounds. 149 lbs And what a ride.

Jul, Aug, Sep, Oct – Back to Canada for the summer then return to the UK and Weight Watchers. I’m playing with the same pound or two. I’m no longer writing, not excited about the old Bootcamp board and in need of a change. I know that WW isn’t really the answer for me even though I love the people. I am faffing around and going nowhere – so I decide to start this blog. 150 lbs And then…..

Nov – I lose 7 pounds in a month and look great. I’ve also got chronic stomach issues and am once again flung back into the medical system. Looking for gall stones, they find “something” on my liver. Here we go again with the, “It’s been way too easy to lose weight, I’d better eat to make sure I’m not dying” thinking. 143 lbs And guess what?

Dec, Jan 2010 - It’s Christmas! And I’m eating to prove I’m not dying and I gain weight. This is not a pattern I expected to see. It’s very interesting that the two times I’ve been down towards the weight I want to be, I haven’t been well so I bounce away from it as fast as I can. 147 lbs

Feb, Mar & half of April – I sort of try but am pretty caught up in either seeing doctors or worrying about seeing doctors. I really do lose my mind when my health is out of wack. Lose 3 pounds – mostly in a couple of weeks where I paid attention. 144 lbs

Apr, May - I’m worried about the fact that I lost weight while feasting over Easter so yet another episode of “eat to prove I’m not dying”. Then back to Canada to sit alone in a house, not grieving this time but worrying about the thing on my liver. I have this mindset that, if something’s seriously wrong, then why bother with worrying about eating and exercise? I gain 5 pounds in the process. 149 lbs

May - There’s an awful lot of thinking about the weight loss process but not an awful lot of DOING. I’m tempted to call “failure!” but the fact is that I still didn’t gain significant weight. And this time, just seeing a couple of pounds up made me recommit to doing something for myself – to getting what I want rather than sitting around talking about what I want. 148 lbs

Jun, Jul (ie now) I decide to go for what I want and what I want is to weigh in the 130′s – anywhere in the 130′s will do. I also decide that, if I end up really sick, I want my body to be in the best shape it can be. (I’m still waiting on the official plan of action re: the liver) I’ve been running and feeling stronger and breathing better. I know that I can get results with the weight loss if I don’t let my social life get in the way. Today I weigh 145 lbs.

And that’s the show so far. Two and a half years from seeing that 170 on my scales. Two years from deciding to write about the process of stopping the weight loss/weight gain pendulum.

Have I stopped the pendulum? Not completely, but the swings are much much smaller than they were two years ago.

I know that a 25 pound weight loss doesn’t happen on a straight road. Life means curves, switchbacks, deadends and hellish hairpin bends.
I no longer do “all or nothing”.
I no longer think in terms of on and off wagons.
I know (boy do I know) that life just gets in the way sometimes.
I know that it’s possible to keep going anyway.
I know that sometimes weight will apparently fall off me – usually when I’m stressed.
I know that exercise helps me stay emotionally balanced.
I know that I can do this.

I have every intention of being where I want to be when the calendar ticks over to 2011. God willing. Health willing.

Am I the least bit embarrassed that it could take 3 years to lose 30 lbs?

No! Just incredibly grateful for the chance to sort out issues which have affected my life since childhood. And, when I say “sort out”, that doesn’t mean I have illusions of perfection. It means I know it’s possible to be sane and balanced and content with my body and my eating.

“Peace not perfection” is the slow weight loss motto.

More Thoughts on Slow Dieting

Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process 8 Responses »

Feb 152010

What do you think of this article?

For a long time, I wanted to be in the “Diets don’t work” club. I love the idea of telling everyone that I will never diet again – but I quickly learned that meant being fat forever.

Hala El-Shafie says: Diets set you up to fail; they should be banned. Eat small amounts of the right food. Eat regularly and well. Get moving: exercise helps. Think about why you eat. Accept your body shape and who you are; size 8 (4 US) jeans will not necessarily make you happy.

Yes! But,where I come from, if you’re used to eating whatever, whenever and however much you want, Ms El-Shafie’s approach to not dieting IS dieting. There are about a thousand steps between where I started and where she wants me to be. I’ve been working at this for years and I’m not there yet.

For me this is a “just do this” statement and about as helpful as responding to malfunctioning light switches with, “just rewire the house”.

In my experience, “just do this” statements are used by people who don’t want to share your problem with you. They offer solutions that reflect well on their own behaviour – “Well I could rewire my own house!”. Well bully for you – as my mother would say.

Instead, I favour the “acknowledge how messy life is” response.

Start with figuring out the problem – it might take some time.
Then think of little tiny things that are going to help you climb out of the muck and mire.
Finally – keep trying and making mistakes and falling down and getting dirty and asking friends to help you up. Suddenly you find that things are going generally in the right direction.

There’s no timetable – this might take years or just a few months. I can’t imagine it taking less than a few months. Just be prepared for stretches of hard work and results to be followed by cruising and consolidation as you regroup or just enjoy your success so far.

And while you’re doing all this figuring out, it will probably help to have some tools on hand that other people have devised – maybe Weight Watchers or Nutracheck or a Low GI diet (I’ve never tried that one but it always seemed sensible). As long as we treat them as tools and not religions, they can be helpful rather than harmful.

I’ve also got a collection of books that I dip into when I need encouragement or sometimes I just read through blogs of people who are also figure this food/body/mind thing out.

How do we asses whether or not it’s working? I think the only way is to think back to the beginning of the process.

Am I further ahead than I was 30 years ago. Yes – by many many many steps.

What about 2 years ago? I’ve learned SO much about myself in this process since I started dropping down from 170lbs.

What about last month? No- I haven’t made much progress for a couple of months. I guess it’s time to push forward again.

What does “push forward” mean in this part of the journey? It means getting the last few pounds off and starting the “forever” process with maintenance. Can’t say I feel particularly psyched. My stomach bothers me every day and I find myself eating what I think will make me feel better. I need to be more mindful about what does make me feel better and construct a plan around that.

OK – This life has huge capacity for “Day 1′s” and this is yet another of them. Losing another half stone (7lbs) can’t make my health worse and it just might make it a bit better. So here goes.

In Praise of Slow Weight Loss

Things to try, Thoughts on the Process 1 Response »

Feb 122010

I’ve been thinking – wondering really – about why this time has been so different. Besides the writing, I think that the biggest difference has been a new “forever” mindset. I’m trying to think of a good analogy to explain what I mean.

In all my previous attempts at weight loss, I was like a person going on a trip. I’d pack a huge suitcase full of expectation. I’d buy a ticket to a certain destination and have a timetable for getting there. But I wouldn’t expect the unexpected and I’d always come home before I got to where I wanted to be because I couldn’t handle the very nature of travelling. “There” remained unexplored and “home” was a place that was ugly but comfortable.

I think middle age has taught me to pack light – ditch the expectations, the presumed destination and the timetable. Home is no longer an option – I sold that house and have taken to the road! This time I’m wandering around the world and I’ll know “there” when I see it.

I’m pretty sure I couldn’t make any money telling people that the best way to lose weight is to aim for an average of about a pound a month. But, with the huge benefit of hindsight, I’m very happy to be 25lbs lighter than I was 25 months ago. If I had repeated my usual on-off-on-off dieting behaviour, I’d certainly weigh more now than I did in January 08.

Maybe I should submit my idea to Carl Honoré and we could launch the “Slow Diet” movement. That’s not such a bad idea.

Talking It Off

Look Ma – No Hands!

ProPoints ~ PointsPlus Update

Looking Ahead

The “Maintenance Diet”

More On Slow Dieting – Last 10lbs

More Thoughts on Slow Dieting

In Praise of Slow Weight Loss

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