I need to I am going to figure out how to change a few things that negatively affect my weight:

• I have a real home and a spare home.  Time in the spare home is unavoidable but always leads to a 3-5lb weight gain.  So what am I going to do about that?

I’m going to plan my first week of meals before I leave the UK.  I know what’s in a Canadian grocery store.  I know what I should be eating.  I also know that I can’t depend on myself to buy the right things unless I have a plan.

• I spend about 6 weeks of the year recovering from jet lag.  When I’m tired I don’t feel like moving or eating well.

I’m going to plan my first week of meals on the return trip too.  I even know that I can email the list to the man and have it all waiting in the kitchen when I get home.  I just need to do it.

• I’m not taking care of my spiritual being lately and that has got to have some effect on my physical self.

I’m going to start setting the alarm and getting up early to a house with no computers or Blackberries.  I will keep those things off until I’ve had a time of quiet to start the day – a time without screens demanding my attention.

• When I’m tired and not eating well, I don’t want to put on my exercise gear and head out into public.

I will use my proven technique of earphones, sunglasses and a baseball cap as a perfectly good cloak of invisibility.  Part of me sits here longing to walk while the other part says, “Have another cup of coffee.”

• When I’m tired/stressed/insert what you want, I feel like I just can’t be bothered to journal what I’m eating.  Sometimes that’s ok, but when I’m in this frame of mind and the fat has started to re-attach itself within my belly, I must commit to writing it all down.

So…..I will write down what I’ve eaten just for today.

Edit:  I forgot about the daily weighing.  It’s been over a month that I haven’t been weight every day and it seems to be an important tool for my weight maintenance.  So I’m back on it with a new Millie page.

By the way, I blame lycra for my problems.  You can gain five pounds these days and every fits as usual.  But that’s another post.

That’s what life has felt like this week.

I’ve said my good-byes and performed the last minute motherly and daughterly duties,
I’ve travelled across the world to my other (real?) home,
and I’ve hit the ground running through a jet-lagged fog to get ready for a weekend working away.

And all that time I’ve been thinking, “I’ll start thinking about my eating and fitness next week.”

I know that’s diet mentality but I can’t fight it in this blur of sleep deprived busy-ness.

I want to erase the above write something more upbeat and proactive, but I know without a doubt that this is a weekend for going easy on myself and letting me get caught up with myself.

On a positive note we have eaten vast quantities of vegetables – why oh why are the vegetables on this tiny island so superior to their Canadian cousins? Even the huge wintry carrots are sweet and juicy. And the broccoli makes you want to eat more of it.

So now I’m looking forward to doing a proper grocery shop on Monday and getting ready to be on my own for another couple of weeks as the husband jets off to exotic places.  I’m already planning the soups and evening meals: Moroccan chickpeas and mushrooms served on roasted butternut squash.  I might add a bit of chicken.

And I’m looking forward to dropping a few more pounds.  That’s actually quite a huge statement because it means that I’m planning to be lighter than I’ve been for many years.  To go along with this, I’m hoping to finally finally get to grips with seeing myself accurately.  I want to develop objective eyes for looking in mirrors.  Is that asking too much?

And rowing. I fantasise about rowing. And I’m looking forward to improving my 4 mile walk/jog  time and adding a mile or two.  (Aside: On that note, here’s an article from last weekend’s Times: 20 Fitness Myths Debunked)

So that’s what’s running through my mind as I approach the starting line…….I’m looking forward to what comes next.

Once again, it’s the day traditionally given over to resolutions. I make the same one every year–almost the same one. It started as a weight loss thing. Now, it’s more of a health issue. I’ve always felt younger than my age, physically as well as mentally and emotionally. This year, I feel older physically than I’d like. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, blood sugar numbers that have crossed the line into pre-diabetic, and a motorcycle accident that, while fairly minor, has left me with pain and stiffmess that I don’t like having to live with. So what can I do about these issues? And the other issues: poor self-esteem, lack of confidence, depression, seasonal affective disorder, blah blah blah. The answer to ALL of these issues is the same. Take better care of myself! This is NOT rocket science! Eat well, lose weight, exercise to strengthen my heart and build muscle, use my light box daily to be sure I don’t suffer from the lack of sun here in the winter, and end up feeling better all the way around. Nope, not rocket science. Yet, I struggle. I fail–repeatedly. What the f#$% is wrong with me? I can tell you what’s RIGHT with me–I NEVER give up. I’ve been fighting this battle since I was 14. I haven’t had a lot of success, but I haven’t given up, either. And I’m sure not going to now. I’m going to use the motivation of being Mother of the Bride next year as the carrot on the stick. But since I don’t want to find myself without motivation after that, it will be necessary to make the new behaviors permanent. Not just doing different things to lose weight for one occasion, but permanent behaviors to keep with me forever. That’s where WW comes in. That’s how they roll. And that’s how I’ll roll. With so much to live for, I cannot keep working on an early death! I must work on my follow-through, because all the tools and knowledge are in place. I just need to keep using them, day after day, one day at a time, for the rest of my life.

After taking a class at the local university called “Life Makeover” I am looking, once again, at my behaviors and how to change them. This class has helped immensely in getting me started, first by looking at the past and the present, and then by looking to the future (my “future self”) for guidance. As I write this, I wonder if it sounds goofy, but the visualization exercise our instructor led us through was very powerful. I know where I want to be years from now–even two years from now, and I have a map of how to get there. The journey starts today!

10/19/2009 – Day 1: Nice round number to start with, 200.0 exactly. <sigh>  At least it will be easy to remember the beginning of my final weight loss. I use “final” in a very positive way. This is the time I will take the steps necessary to lose the weight, because I will maintain it by using that old standby, “eating right and exercising.” My plan is not completely fleshed out yet. My exercise plan will be especially tough as I work around my body’s objections to putting it through the work when it is still recovering from the recreational mishap. My commitment extends to my financial matters as well. Those need fixing as much as my weight and fitness level. My expenses need to lose weight, my balance sheet needs to gain muscle. Do I sound like an accounting geek or what?? Off to start my day…

I’ve been on a crash and burn pity party this week.  Losing control of my schedule and routine has led me to throw my hands up in the air and relinquish control of my eating.  The scale this morning has slapped me back to reality.  Some people say that while their life may be hectic at least they have control over what goes in their mouth. Unfortunately, I’m the opposite.  When I lose control over my routine, I usually lose control over my eating as well. At least I have learned to rein it in before it goes too far.  Today I vow to think before I put something in my mouth and to get my usual amount of water in.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I started over. I’d be retired and sitting in a beautiful cottage somewhere, with tons of friends, and lots of fun things to do, and no money worries. But I’m also willing to guess that I’d still be struggling with food, starting over, failing, starting over again, and between lots of failures would be the occasional success. What is it about that occasional success that is missing the rest of the time? If I could answer that question, I’d reach permanent success at reaching and maintaining my weight, food, and fitness goals.

In the meantime, I will do the things that I have done before: NOT quit. Start over. Make a plan for eating and working out. Fake the excitement and motivation if I’m not feelin’ it. One minor change: Fitness activities will start slow as my ribs heal and the (what did Sal call it? a hematoma?) the other thing heals. I’ll walk on the treadmill, probably 2.5 – 3.0 mph, see how that goes. And I’ll work out the food after getting some ideas from the zillions of books I have floating around the house that all have to do with healthy eating, weight loss, fitness, aging, and all the other stuff that goes with that. And the first item of business will be to weigh in tomorrow morning. Might as well start with the ugly truth.

So there you have it. Another time around the game board, and on the square marked “start.”