Coping With Curve Balls

 Keeping Going, Last Ten Pounds  No Responses »
Oct 262011
 
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After 17 years in this baseball free country, sometimes only a baseball analogy will do. (Out in left field is the other one.)

So. Saturday morning, while packing for the weekend, I was thinking how lovely it was to be heading towards Christmas with no operations/hospital visits/scans/waiting for results looming on the horizon. Five minutes after I had that thought, the mail dropped through the slot, (yes, we still have Saturday post), and there was a letter from the breast clinic saying that I needed to come back on Tuesday (yesterday) for further investigations following my mammogram.

Have I mentioned that was going to be my first Christmas since 2007 which didn’t include medical stress? 2007!

The ending is happy. My work on Tuesday got cancelled, allowing me to keep the appointment. The appointment went great and they aren’t concerned any more. So – normal levels of life stress have resumed.

The point of writing this is that this is what life is really like. If I want to lose weight and keep it off, I need to be prepared to work through the extra stressful times as well as the normally stressful day to day living.

I sort of managed it. I had a wonderful relaxing weekend and made consistently good choices with food – considering that I have no expectations of losing weight this week. I didn’t actually fall apart until after I got home from the appointment yesterday and had a bit of a “post trauma” rest of day – just needing to feel full all the time and eating when I wasn’t hungry. This is my final frontier in disordered eating and, though it happens less and less, it certainly happens.

On the positive side, I walked 6.5 miles yesterday – 2.5 just commuting to the hospital and back and 4 at a good clip with a friend in the evening.

Anyway – life goes on. I want to be slim, fit and healthy so I’d better be ready to push through the muck of life and take care of myself along the way. And by take care of myself, I don’t mean giving myself permission to overeat just because it soothes my nerves for a while.

 Posted by Millie at 12:32 am  Tagged with: ,

Coming Back from a Binge – Last 10lbs

 Keeping Going, Thoughts on the Process  2 Responses »
Jul 212010
 
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One weekend of binge-headedness can really set a person back.  I feel like I’m standing a block away from a sign that says “What I Want” in big letters but I can’t quite make out the smaller print.  In my head, it says that I want to have a smaller and fitter body but it’s all a bit blurry.

So what happened to 139, you ask?

Indeed.

So much of my disordered eating happens when my external voice is saying one thing but my internal voice is saying something else altogether.

EX V: I want to weight 139lbs

IN V: I’m not sure I want the pressure of keeping the weight off.

EX V: I’m going to work hard for 6 weeks and not worry about where I end up. My behaviour will get me where I want to be.

IN V: There’s a DEADLINE! You’ve got the family bbq on the 8th and the birthday dinner on the 9th and then off to see all those people and you want to be THIN.

EX V: I want to be in great shape even if there’s tough news about my liver.

IN V: If you’re going to lose half your liver, you might as well party now.

And finally,

EX V: I can do this one good choice at a time.

IN V: FEED ME (bread, butter, pasta and wine).

So there it is: the two voices of Millie – and one is more persuasive than the other this week.

On a positive note, I shredded 5 years worth of documents yesterday and filed or got rid of anything that wasn’t going to be pertinent to the next few months.  I want to come back from my summer hiatus and have a calm and orderly office that actually has room for my body as well as my paperwork. I have drawer space!

And, I ate less yesterday than on Tuesday and less on Tuesday than on Monday.  So it’s getting better and I’m getting better and I’m going to start listening to my internal voice rather than just shutting it up with food.

 Posted by Millie at 11:47 pm  Tagged with: ,

Stress Eating

 Thoughts on the Process  No Responses »
Oct 052009
 
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On the oral allergy post, Donna wrote:

At the rather advanced age of 51 I developed a rather strange allergy – pressure urticaria. It seems that if I’m over tired or stressed, it flares up worse than usual. I’m trying to use it as a guage to tell me when I’m stressed but not acknowledging it. That’s something I’m really good at – not acknowledging that I’m stressed. I’ve always claimed that I don’t stress eat, but lately I’ve had to face up to the fact that I do. They seem to be intertwined, feeling stress but not wanting to acknowledge it, eating because I’m stressed but not facing the reason why I’m eating. I have to face the fact that I’m not super woman and it’s not a weakness to get stressed.

This was too important to leave as a comment.  Aren’t we all in this situation?  It kind of  ties in with what I wrote on the Daily – acknowledging the problem without giving into or wallowing in it.  It sure affects how I want to eat. I don’t think there’s an answer – just a constant practising of noticing the problem and either dealing with it or giving it away.

Thanks Donna.

 Posted by Millie at 4:45 pm  Tagged with: ,
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